Almost
Last night I sat down
And I almost began to write the letters.
I’m not sure why,
As I’ve never made even the slightest action
On the plan
That I’ve had since I was 17.
Because the plan is just a plan.
It’s not supposed to be carried out.
I never thought
There was any intention
Behind knowing
How I would end
My own life.
And it scared me,
But I also felt calm.
And that is even more scary
Because that is what happens when you’ve
Made up your mind.
There was almost an
Excitement
Or urgency
To say goodbye.
And I almost did.
I almost began
Writing the letters,
But then I got a text
To come watch a movie
With a person who
Almost
Makes me feel okay.
I have always said
I will never go through with it,
That the plan will stay a plan.
And I am almost sure
It will.
But last night I sat down
And I almost took the next step
And today,
I almost wish
I did.
Comments
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This poem carries echoes of Sylvia Plath's confessional style, particularly in its raw honesty about mental health struggles and contemplation of suicide. The repetition of "almost" throughout the piece creates a haunting tension similar to Emily Dickinson's use of dashes and repetition to build emotional resonance.
nice work