All Is Calm

Thu, 04/14/2016 - 18:35 -- KatlynH

The question itself is timeless and versatile

I'm not even sure how many times I've been asked

"If you were deserted on an island, what one thing would you want to have"

The words change but my answer rarely does

All I ever want and all I ever need on this hypothetical test of priorities and survival is calm

I want an overwhelming, ever-present, flowing feeling of icy calm

People always pass me looks of judgment like children who look upon things that they could never empathize with

Laughter erupts and then ceases as abruptly as it began as they realize that I am a marble statue

"But that's like saying you want to bring your hands"

No, it's not

I have had hands

I can feel hands

I still remember how it is to have hands

My calm is not hands

The calm I want is the thing that I've never had

It's the thing that frosts the pounding between the ivory fingers that keep me together

It's the superior force that freezes over my hands that are violently twisting trees during hurricanes

How could one question me for simply craving a winter when all I've ever felt were summer storms

As much as I don't seem it, I promise that I am smart and logical

I can and will survive on this island, but only if I have the strength to keep my calm

I need it in my heart

I need it in my hands

I need it in my head

It's all I need

With this new feeling I will have finally reached a spiritual divinity within myself

And I will reach a point where I thirst for life and I am well enough to take it

Even if the savage nature of the lush foliage around me does rip my life from my prying hands

Even if my blood spills on the sands

Even if I die

I will not scream

I will not utter a single word of aggression against the life I am leaving

It was said that life without stress is death so what I am entering is no different than what I now leave

And I will accept the dying of a deity with grace

But only if I can exit this unforgiving place in a state of utter calm

It's all I need

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