About M

I wanted all your jagged edges

The pieces left splintered by your past

I approached you with no gloves

Knowing the consequences

With no regard for myself

Because wounds from the past

Had left me callused

And I was ready for you

All your insecurities

The man beneath the walls you’ve built

Maybe you’re a little too much like my Dad

A little too much like the men from my past

Maybe you seem nice but

They seemed nice too

And look where nice got me

Self-destructive

I search for ends in my beginnings

I run backwards to find the things that should remain lost

I pick the scabs until they gush blood

And I don’t know who could handle a girl like that

Because I can hardly handle it myself

It’s come to the point where neither of us owe any apologies

And all the fights seem like distant memories

The good times don’t feel like just yesterday

Tomorrow doesn’t feel like a lifetime

Once longing, our stares now feel like indifference

My thoughts of you are far and few between

And what’s there to say anyway?

We get to the point we said we’d never reach

Where goodbye is less exhausting than I love you

And I wonder if-

Upon seeing you-

My heart would sink

Or burst into flames

Or beat on, unscathed

Will it beat a little faster

Recalling the times your mere presence made it skip a beat

Competing with the butterflies in my stomach

Silencing the better judgment in my mind

Offering itself to you

Will my memory retain the tears

Or recall our late night conversations

Lunch dates and movies and breakfast in bed

Our hands intertwined

Kisses on the forehead, the nose, the cheeks…

Will I wake up in ten years next to another man

Look at smiling pictures in pretty frames on my windowsill and wish

Forgive your stubborn nature

Regret my harsh words

Or will I simply forget your name

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