Living a drug infested lifestyle.

Dwelling over my obsession with narcotics;

Preparing it, smoking it, lining it, snorting it.

Consuming substances to override the negative.

 

Doesn’t take long for the toxins to hit my bloodstream.

This fat rail will surely put me at ease.

Life is like a car on neutral.

You just gotta roll whichever way it goes.

 

I got enough powder to make a snow angel.

It’s sad to say this is what I do for fun.

I don’t have anything else going for me.

It’s not the same without him by my side.

 

He made everything fun.

It broke my heart when I found out he gets high.

I tried my best, I did everything I could.

I wanted to have a special bond with him.

 

Making a choice that could result in regret.

I feel guilty doing this without him here.

I mentioned this already in another piece.

I can only blame myself for this shit.

 

Someday I will be able to forgive myself.

For now, I’m still in mourning and agonizing.

Dwelling on what happened that day.

I still can’t remember everything.

 

I feel so lost without you bro!

Wish I could’ve departed with you.

I’m stuck down here, you’re at peace.

At least you will no longer have to worry.

 

Truthfully I hate myself with murder passion.

I feel like there’s nothing left in my heart.

All I hear is noise, whatever the fuck that may be.

Nothing but straight chaos in my head.

 

I can’t let go of these drugs.

There’s part of me that’s depressed.

The rest of me is fed up with life.

Fed up with having to feel like getting high.

 

Feeling like this will never stop.

It’s a form a torture after a while.

It stops being fun and stars being sad.

Then you’re stuck feeling like an addict all mad.

 

I can’t even say I’m faded anymore.

After what happened, I will never feel the same.

It’s something I have to live with.

It’s not like I can get away from my conscious.

 

Like I’m high and all but I feel empty.

Like a vase without flowers.

I feel stupidier by the day.

I’m not getting any smarter,

 

What am I supposed to do?

I know this writing is really a rant.

There’s nothing creative about this piece.

I’m just here spilling my heart out.

 

Letting you know what goes on.

In this case, letting myself know.

Who am I kidding?

Who’s going to read this bullshit?