2 AM Thoughts

"Come here child, let's play a game"

She'll respond with a quiver in her voice,

"Why do we play when everyone goes away?"

''There is more fun, it's always going to be you and me...

now come, watch this video it's fun, you'll see"

The child turns her head away in mere disgust

How is she to know, to see the wrong this person does

She wants to leave but he locks her arm tight

She wonders if she needs to obey...

"Don't turn away, I said watch it till the end!"

Frightened as she is, she follows his command

in full oblivion to his disgusting reprimand 

The first touch on her skin brings a shiver up her spine

The traumatic feelings she will not forget,

no matter the time that passes by

Her childhood gone,

Her happiness set aside

She weeps, as she can no longer feel her legs from inside

The minutes feel like hours

The pain, as if someone stabbed her with a knife

Her thoughts clouded, as the night crawls by

As she lay there to go to bed,

she turns the other way, facing the wall

She tells herself to ignore the whisper in her head...

"I am only eight years old and I have learned that to touch,

You feel your emotions dwell inside,

not with pleasure but with disgust"

As she grew older, she could not hold the urge

The pain, the fear

 It took full control over her

Attempted suicide,

a life no longer desired

Nothing had changed

memories grew broken

worse than twisted wires

As if things could get worse...

It is as if God has laid upon her,

one damned miserable curse

She could not see, let alone feel

She couldn't come to understand how a person could be so sinister,

so evil...

To this day, she cannot come to understand why it was done

Such a perversive act, 

One that changed the person she could have been destined to live

THE PERSON THAT SHE COULD'VE CLAIMED TO BECOME

Her life is lived in agony, lived in full despair

Wondering if things will get better,

but time is scarce

Will she ever find good in herself, surely she must

Sadly, the gold in her heart seems to diminish into dust

She sits there, tears stinging her eyes

2 AM thoughts

never sleeping,

Because it's always on her mind

Her mother remains clueless

continuing to call her rebellious, reckless and wild

Unaware of the damage done by her own son 

while her daughter, remains the insignificant child

Why do things take such a sudden turn

Once a naive overjoyed child, then...

Then the weight of the world thrown upon her fragile shoulders

Silence is the only method that keeps stabily, in a way,

Do not speak, there was nothing you could do

all those words one could not bring themselves to say

The memories... despised lie deep inside 

 at least up until this very day

 "There is more pain in holding on''

Something I always heard, but never realized

not until I released the shame

One more chance,

An opportunity, where I was guided by a friend

After so many years of torture and restless nights

Came a person on whom I could depend 

One thing I have for certain,

My life can finally continue

Because it is not a life

 If I keep living it this way

Another opportunity lightens the path I am willing to take

No matter what, I have to learn from the mistakes

 Thank you

 I have conclusively let go of what I had to say 

This poem is about: 
Me
Poetry Terms Demonstrated: 

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741