i made it seem like it didn’t bother me 

so as to not scare you away.

i made it seem like the image of your body on mine wasn’t terrifying,

like i was okay with trusting you,

like my past didn’t haunt me with every boy who ever laid eyes on me,

so as to not scare you away. 

i made it seem like afterwards i was okay with doing it again,

like it was a shadow in the past never to be seen again,

like it left my memory like an old childhood friend,

so as to not scare you away. 

i made it seem like the words you whispered didn’t run through my veins like ice,

didn’t pierce through my heart like a knife,

didn’t take hold of my limbs and rip them apart,

so as to not scare you away.

“i’ll go slow”, you whispered,

so as to not scare me away.