you were watching television

a football game,

your alma mater playing

against their great foe,

beer in hand

 

condensation slick

against your palm,

your gaze unfocused,

not from drink

but from a lack

of interest

in your own sad life

 

and in mine.

 

what if you stayed?

would it be better,

now,

 

i wonder?

if you stayed

to film me blow out

the candles at my

seventh birthday party

 

or my sixteenth,

or my twenty seventh

 

if you stayed

to watch me graduate,

to cheer when i got

my diploma

(look, daddy

honors just

like

you)

 

would it be better,

now,

if you had stayed?

i wonder

 

but your gaze

was unfocused

and your beer

was getting warm.