Dear anorexia,

I haven't spoken to you in a while. I've been trying to ignore your calls, your texts and your messages. Though it's always difficult to block out someone who's constantly there. It's like trying to shake off your own shadow. You can run, and run, and run but then when you turn around that darkness is still latched on to you, obstruucting the sun. However, I wanted to take this opportunity to face you. I was so pre-occupied with the challenge of shutting you out, that I never said goodbye. Goodbye to that concert tiredness. Each foot-fall feeling weighted and agonisingly slow. All energy reserves gone, so that walking is as exhuasting as running and breathing becomes a conscious effort. But in your opinion that's good, right? As far as you're concerned, as long as the number on the scale decreases then who cares about how tired you are? After all, it's all worth it to be skinny. Goodbye to the feeling of failure. I will never be perfect, so why would I ever be good enough for you? You always said I wasn't smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough, sad enough.. dead enough. Everything I did, I did for you but you weren't ever pleased. I was just pathetic in your eyes. When I leave you, I will still not be perfect, but what is perfect anyway? I spent so much of my life obsessing over that word, but I don't need to. No one likes a barbie doll. Goodbye to numbness. Goodbye to staring into space and watching as your family and friends try to get you to talk, to respond. Goodbye to feeling trapped within my own skin. You wouldn't let me talk to them. You disconnect the reciever, you blocked the signal. I told my mouth to open, I told my arms to hug, but you shut me down. And everyone else just saw an emotionless wall. Goodbye to obsession. It's ironic, isn't it? Food is what I fear most in the world, and yet I had to think about it constantly. You made me. It's what my body was shouting for, and yet it's what you wouldn't allow. Collarbones, concave stomach, rib cages, thigh gaps. Food will just get in the way of that, right? Goodbye to cutting myself because it was the only time I felt alive.. because it was the only emotion that I got; Because I thought that bright red blood, and scars look beautiful. You've really dug your claws into me, Anorexia and now the whole world can see. I've been told that my fear of food may never disappear and that my family may never trust me again; that my mind will never truly be my own.. and that is your fault. There will be a time when I go full minutes without thinking of you, It doesn't help that you're always shouting in my ear and trying to regain control and sabotage me. There will be a time where I can live without you. I haven't always been strong enough. I never felt ready to let you go. I worry about being lonely without you; You're the only one that really gets it, who gets me; because you are me, and you will always be me. As I said, you can't get rid of your shadow but you can always look up from the ground. You can always look around at the beauty of the world and actually be thankful for being alive. God created the sun to give us life, not to remind us of life's burdens. So I'm going to have to live with you, Anorexia; But that doesn't mean we'll be on speaking terms. In fact, this will be an entirely one-sided relationship from now on. You can shout at me all you like, but I know where listening to you leads. I want health, freedom and happiness. I chose life. Goodbye Anorexia.

Yours sincerely, me.