I am bitter

I am lonely

I am the waves crashing against the rocks, killing anything that comes into contact with me

And I am the body falling from the ledge, crashing into the sea below, shattering my broken bones before I even notice the cold

I am the salt in the wound

I am the lemon juice on your split lip

And I am so incredibly sad that you made me into this

This broken seashell of a person

Left on the shore 

Left for the night

Left for the waves

To swallow me whole,

You reap what you sow

But honey, you buried me

From my aging, decaying grave, I promise I will try not to haunt you

But I am just

The dying plant in your cracked flower pot

I am the dead bee on the porch, bitter stinger wasted on you

I am so tired of everything you put me through

Let me break this down for you,

I don’t like the beach

I can’t stand the feeling of sand on my legs, 

or the water on my hands

or the heat on my head

But I stepped into the ocean because you asked me to,

I don’t like confrontation

or the noise flooding my senses

or the rage in someone’s voice

But I stood up and made the call to protect you,

And I’ve been told we were unhealthy

Feeding each other’s twisted, starving mentality

I’ve been told we were bad for each other

That it was lonely, toxic, one-sided 

But I didn’t care

I was terrified of being abandoned like the old truck in the woods near my house

So I just smiled and drank my poison, knowing you were dying too

Only to learn, on my death bed, that you put your laced drink down

A fit of rage, screaming in my bathroom

All alone, my lungs giving out in an empty house

Always left behind, always forgotten

Just some stupid kid with a hero complex, in way over her head

How foolish was I to believe 

That I could ever mean anything to you?

So I go to the cemetery, sweep the cracked, deserted graves, and hope

Someone will do the same for me

All I ever wanted was to be enough

I hope you come to my funeral

I hope you the guilt plagues you until your dying days

Even if I don’t think you will come to the wake

Because, after all the shit you put me through,

I would still come for you.