Adrift on this raft

Trying to help you understand a concept you just can’t grasp

When I say I’m fine

I’m not

There is a river of tears flowing inside me

Occasionally a few spill out

But nothing compares to all that they don’t know 

So I lay here surrounded by those who think they know me

Adrift on this raft

Held together with nothing but false hope of a better tomorrow

I ask myself

What the hell am I doing?

I’ve been called many things

Lazy, antisocial

They say I’m doing nothing

They say that I’m not trying hard enough

But what they don’t know is that I have to try so hard just to get out of bed

To brush my teeth, to take a shower, to be bothered enough to even think about my outfit

What they don’t know is that I am under the influence

Not of alcohol, not of drugs

No, this is much worse

I and billions of others are under the influence of society

The social norms, the stigmas, the stereotypes, the fads come at me like waves

Knocking me off my raft

And again I am adrift in an unknown sea

The hands of those who think they know me hold me up and then

I fall

I crash back down beneath the waves

I can’t breath

The pressure in my ears makes it feel like my head is going to burst

I hold my breath and claw my way back to the surface

Clinging to my raft 

And the day begins again

I am once more adrift on this raft