Dad
i have been afraid of losing you since the day i did.
for years, you played with life and death like puppets
direct extensions of yourself,
moving at the wanton actions of your fingertips.
the day mom sat me down
and told me you were gone
was a nuclear blast-
the nuclear power you always played with
as a chemical engineer,
like puppets.
puppets
and nuclear warfare
do not equate.
you never understood
that playing with your life
was war for me,
that my fear of losing you was a fear of being decimated,
and your fears were simply the snap of a string.
and now,
i have aftermath.
i hope you know how terrifying it is
to go to the college you loved,
to read through your old birthday cards,
and to listen to the only voicemail i have.
i hope
i can climb through the rubble
and conquer the mountains you never could.