It's like a sickness . A creepy crawly thing that is choking my insides as well as slinking around the flesh of my body . It's cruel , this unusual punishment is a being tainting my mind like inky shadows in the light . How do I refuse it, tell it no after falling in love with it  before understanding what that could mean . We are not the same . We won't ever be the same . The disgusting darkness where he wallows and resides seems to keep him content. Ignoring all the beauty and warmth that makes me who I am he destroys me without remorse. How do I forgive the beastly figure that would seek me harm and destruction. How do I find it within this tainted temple to forgive and forget that I've been changed . Where do I turn when the arms I wish to seek shelter in are the same fleshed traps wishing to suffocate me. How do I continue to live knowing that I love him . The same him who would be so disturbed as to giggle and take solace in my heartache . This is no friend to me or my kind , this is something wholly wicked entirely. How do I manage the fracture of bones and disfigure myself over the breaking of my heart . How do I claim my wholeness again knowing that I had been  shredded in shards of the person I was . Could it be that this is what I deserved , what I was worth , what I was cursed to endure . My destiny first laid out for me in crimson and gold now blood soaked and caked with dirt and debris. This destiny once handpicked by a savior , struck down by an adversary I could recognize as well as my own reflection . How had I missed this screaming sound before , how had the signs been ignored . Who would have ridiculed and reveled in this disparity more than the figurehead responsible for my lack of clarity . How did I become the fool in court , when this kingdom was mine to command . How did I think losing my head would be worth holding onto my crown , i am no queen , I am no royalty . Only a hierarchy of distaste and disaster. My reign fallen faster than a star in the sky . My wings clipped swifter than the wind could carry me .  Eu tu brute . Et tu, that I have this same sickness as you