Have you ever felt a presence that is there but not

Quite there?

Sometimes escaping is before us and we never

Take it.

Do you understand me, don’t you know that I am alive?

Can you understand that in between each line that I AM SCREAMING

For someone to see me, to help me

I’m talking to a girl that is black like obsidian

Maybe I am simply self-centered and narcissistic

So I’m saying please God, have mercy and let me sleep

The type of unconscientious conscious that is merely there but not even

Alive.

Listen to my heavy breaths, sure that each one is my last

The girl that I talk to doesn’t know me because I am all

Fucking alone, challenged by science and spirituality

I am the definition of a hypocrite because so many people are there looking

And helping and supporting and talking and just alive but

I am so alone in this

This is my sins between illness and health

Or maybe I’ve made it up because my brain craves attention

But I know that I’m a hypochondriac hypocrite who is very sad

For no goddamn reason honestly.

Obsidian and ebony and nickel and crystals and karat

Make up my thoughts and promises

So I’m sorry, so very sorry that I shove these needles into my skin

That most days I’m a repeating puppet

I love you all so much, god I love you.