A Letter to My Sister's Rapist
id like to ask you some questions
because lately
my mind is filled to the brim with confusion ridden sleet
that wont stop pounding on what seems to be the little sanity i have left
it seems as though a low pressure system has settled in my head
and soon enough, a rainstorm will erupt from my ears
finally allowing me to leave behind all of the secrets i have held close to my chest this past year
leaving everyone around me, understanding why there are days that my words fly out in a whirlwind of hysteria and spit
but thats why i wrote you
i have questions
do you remember what it felt like
to be loved by her, to know that your words would impact her every decision
did you always know you would ache for someone like this
did you just stumble upon her online
i imagine your eyes scanning the pictures on whisper
when one that may be all too suggestive pops into your feed
begging you to take a peek
you found her like the way my parents unearthed evidence that could put you behind bars
a court case floating amid a tornado of sweat and sacrifice
did you know that she called me once
when i was 100 miles away
in a town where cows outnumbered people
she told me of how her bones still rumbled the way a foundation shook
when a tornado had rocked it only minutes earlier
this was a time when i could do absolutely nothing to help her in that moment
did you honestly think that you were the first
because i can guarantee you that you weren’t
the first to receive provocative pictures
to be given control over her entire being
and turn her into a girl who now wakes up 2 hours early
and cakes makeup on every morning
paying careful attention to make her eyelashes curve just like the way her hips are developing
truly believing her worth comes from men who don't give a damn about how she is really doing
do you know how much it hurt my mom to open her kik messages and find a haunted ghost of a man among a graveyard of old chats
do you have any idea what it feels like to watch your father break down,
his body racked with sobs because the thought of her screwing someone his own age made his stomach queasy
tell me, do your children know that you took advantage of my sister
i want you to know that you have given me so much guilt for all of the days that i kept quiet
but these are hard questions
and i know that
questions i know you don't have the guts to answer
so i guess i'll finish with a simple one
are you sorry?