I try, really,

I try so hard to

avoid all of this overwhelming, in genuine emotion.

 

I guess it was how I’ve been raised.

When my parents stopped saying

‘I love you’ when I turned 13.

When I was forced to give hugs.

 

Maybe the fact I was yelled at back then-

for crying,

By a mother that cries.

About everything.

 

What’s funny is,

I also get punished

for not being emotional enough.

I avoid the emotional overall,

assuming this,

artificial kind to come and take over

when a loved one dies,

or someone has a baby,

or when my mother is hurting.

 

Why is it wrong if this is what I was taught?

It’s wrong because it’s not real.

It’s wrong because I avoid it.

It’s wrong if it’s hurting other people.

But I stopped sympathizing others a long time ago.

 

(non-fiction not part of my other poems' storyline)