When I was sixteen I kissed you.

I kissed you like I drew breath from your lungs

like mine were too shallow,

as if

As if the more I knew you, the more I could forget myself.

Forget my voice, my unruly hair, my nose, my knobby knees,

As if - I could drink up your dimples,

your starmap on your hand.

 

As If I could remove myself and yet bask in this.

 

Lips searching for the end of a bottomless well - As if there was an end

to my hunger...

As if I hadn't surrendered myself - fighting a battle less between us

and more amongst the Sybil Minds of Civil unrest 

making more than mere mishceif for this mortal mind.

 

When I was seventeen - I gave you more than this

Somewhere between drowning in the myriad maze of me, myself and I...

My garden - blossomed- for it's first spring of aphrodisiac joy 

in the depths of ourselves.

My body learned itself aknew and the first chord of my heart

gave a birthing 

HOWL

as my love was - undeniable.

 

In the summer of my 18th - my reckless abandon, the jungle of my heart

resisted the colonization of your immaculate devotion

As if devoid of sanctuary my panther soul hunted the bliss of this 

Garden of Eden.

 

In the winter of my 19th the skies shifted to the muted beauty that I was outgrowing

As if the callous abandon was receding from the shores. 

The second chord of my heart is purged.

 

My 20th ascends into the horizon of my cosmic crown -

and the lush endevour of the army of my will is 

simple surrender.

Despite a now constant revolt. 

As if I could broker a treaty with the captor.

Despite a sentence to sweet slavery my skeleton bones bury deep a dark

FREEDOM.

As if I hadn't forfeited my heart - placed at your feet.

 

It's the summer of my 21st.

The end of my childs era.

The Spring of my 22nd

My love rages like a volcano. Constant ember, darkest ash.

My body longs for utter plunder at the discretion of my lover

but

As if the snow of a season past lingers

As if the heat that burns was insufficient 

As if the stars have fallen one by one from our sky

As if the halo of your saintly hope has been snuffed by the inconstant wind

 

I sit on the edge of our stars

the border of our bodies

at the chalice of the river springing from my dark well.

 

As if I am not alone.

As if your still here,

As if I draw breath from your lungs when I kiss you.

    As If you love me...

         If you love me -

            you love me?

                  love me.

                          me