i am self sabotaging
~
i am a bolt action remington rifle.
i am the nosebleed after a fight with your dad.
i am the bitter aftertaste of antidepressants.
i am the stickiness between your fingers
after you eat a creamsicle.
i am as lonely as the abandoned mall,
with the escalators still running.
i am the black leather corset
lying on the bathroom floor.
i am like the menthol smoke,
filling up your car with cancer and regret.
i am the golden kaleidoscope
rolling off the table.
i am the cigarette burns on your hand.
i am the shattered mansion,
attracting all of the weak people.
i am like the forgotten mug of coffee,
the creamer separating and floating up on top.
i am the cherry red lollipop
hanging off your crush’s lips.
i am the serrated knife
only to be used for meat.
i am the panic in your blue eyes
when you hear a knock on the car window.
i am burning love letters,
spilling ashes and unforgiveness.
i am the lies your father whispers on your mother’s neck,
sharper than his smile.
i am self sabotaging, ruining everything
i have ever built up for myself.
~