July 2, 2016 11:27 PM

I can’t stop missing him

I can’t seem to get the thought of him out of my head

Everything feels like the moments before you cry

And there’s this sudden weight on your chest

Pushing down on your lungs

There’s the lump in your throat

As the tears start to form

And it takes a good few seconds

To swallow that lump of nothingness

As the pressure on your chest increases.

I miss the way he would look at me

Even though the staring caused the usual

Combination of anxiety and nervousness

He made me stable in all the right places.

I miss the way his voice would sound

When he spoke words of love

And now his name sounds like nails on a chalkboard

Something I can’t bear to hear

Because the goosebumps of what used to be start to form

And his name is like a broken record that

Keeps repeating the same line over and over again.

And now his eyes drift to the presence of another

In the direction towards the man he loves

And there’s the same tightening in his chest

Because the boy of his dreams

Makes the knots in his stomach tighter.

And his name sounds like a hymn that was

Written by the work of the gods

Because someone so beautiful is now within his grasp.

To the other boy, the man I loved,

Is more than a broken record

Or a tightening in the chest cavity.

To this new boy,

He is the rain, the moon, the stars,

The sun, the cosmos, the trees

He is everything beautiful that is above

And down below where we walk.

I remember when he was my world too…

-(hms)