My heart races
my sight blurs
my breath quickens
panic has taken over
will I find a job
will I be able to pay for college
will I figure out how
to live that perfect life
the one i see
everytime I close my eyes
the one
I obsess over
the enjoyable
lucrative career
comfortable yet large home
loving, kind, and wonderful husband
a daughter
a son
the panic becomes worse
as I wonder
are these really
my hopes
my dreams
What I want for myself?
Or are these
all the things
society tells me
I won’t be happy without?
are these dreams
the key to my happiness
or are they my foot in the door
to fitting in
seeming normal
would I be happier
in a tiny apartment
with a good friend
unmarried
childless
with a job I love
that doesn’t make me millions
I sit
I think
I pick apart humanity
until all we are is biology
ignore all philosophy
and become the chemistry
throw away ideology

and breathe.