I understand that it’s harder for you

I understand that you lay awake more hours

Listen to more morbid songs

Mull over more often the memories

I understand that more of you still clings to me

Like unscourable residue

I just don’t get how you think I’m unscathed

Completely whole in every sense

When I cringe every time I hear

Our happiness

Our bliss

Perverted into past tense

But my hands are tied

There’s no way for us to be rectified

To make you comprehend

That my future is parched and desolate

You’re the rainclouds hovering on the horizon perpetually

Yet I’m the one with the tag saying “Hello my name is tease”

Which isn’t the only reason I feel guilty

If promises weren’t meant to keep

They’re as worthless, as pointless as pennies

Our precious plans are checks

That will only ever bounce

My account of reserve to give

Has had far too many withdrawals

Withdrawals I get from knowing I’ll never take a hit of your affection again

Leaves me puking and clawing at my crawling skin

Admitting to my problem has only ever brought me self-resent

So I’ll take my perfect little world

Subtract the apparatus of apathy

Add in the convoluted chaos

Multiple the chance of heartbreak

Factor back in the suffering

Just as long as you’re on the other side of the equation

Since I’m the type of person

Who saunters back into the fire

To earn the scars to prove I tried

And boy, I’m still trying

But my parent’s embraces suffocate me

Constrain me like a straightjacket

They want to “keep me from the relapse”

They want to “shield me from my self-destructive tendencies”

But when will they realize I don’t want what’s good for me

That “emotionally healthy choice”

Is at the bottom of the waste basket

Along with that bland and bitter broccoli

All I ever crave is YOU

Like a taste you vaguely recollect

From a dish whose name escapes you

At a restaurant you’ll never visit again

But all you ever wistfully dream of

Is that familiar flavor

The sensation of feeling full

And lately all I’ve ever felt is empty