Better Then Before
Your fingers absent mindedly find your pulse
The blood, running hot just below the scarred skin's surface, is tempting
The shiny silver of a razor silently calls to you
The pain inside begs to be released
Relief is balanced on the edge of a blade
A twisted, but effective, trade off
Mental and emotional pain evaporate the moment the blade splits your skin
Physical pain clouds the mental pain momentarily
And all you can feel is that razor ripping through the layers of skin
And the mental pain ceases to exist
But then, it all comes rushing back and hits twice as hard
Tears flood your eyes and stream down your face as you make another slice deeper, longer
The tears do not flow for the ferocious pain that streaks red down your arm
But because the valiant effort to rid your ragged mind of pain only lasted seconds
So you try again, then again, and again
Until you are numb, not exactly satisfied, but better than before