What is the word?

The stupid word…

Driving me absolutely insane…

I'm so completely filled up with something I can't feel and I can't help but shout out and to you all reveal the awful voices in my head that keep my head spinning round. I feel like I'm suspended floating off the ground I'm wading through this pool of Life and I don't know how to swim.

I feel the sinking feeling the floor will drop out soon…

I'm not quite drowning yet but I feel the impending doom.

I am so lost and yet to ready for this journey I've begun. I am without all I'm comfortable with but I feel the power coming from within. I have instincts that guide my way I've just never had to use them. I'm so compelled to do what I never thought I would…

to survive…

to conquer...

I am so angry but I am so calm. I am so left behind but really I'm ahead of the pack. I'm running, running, running, but I haven't moved an inch. I stopped and let my feet touch ground and rethought my strategy. I'm capable, but not so much and I have to overcome.

I have to let the past be gone and the future begin to come.

I have to let my strength take hold and I have to think my own thoughts.

I have thought and planned and figured out this life is not too easy. But I feel like I have seen enough to know I can deal with what I'm dealt and I have to overcome. I have to see it through. I have power. I have beauty. I have grace. I have charm. I can while and beguile and I can do you harm.

Look at me oh hateful World Look at WHO I AM.

See what force you have to reckon with and which will take a stand.

I feel this rush of words and thoughts that I never thought I'd type. I feel this ache of broken hearts begin to show some promise. I feel this rush of feelings that I'd longed to leave behind. I feel this ache like I'm cracking down the center.

I feel a transformation. I feel revived, renewed.

Awaken from a long, deep sleep, I am NEW.