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Deep in the darkness…
My soul urns… for freedom.
Confined from reality…
In a place with no air.
Trying to escape… fails to come upon.
Only to be in the light…
To see the light.
Frozen at the door, the darkness lures me back in…
The presence of this black gloom…
Pulls me back into the dark…
Dark room, I stand in.
Watching children pass in the cold air…
I am…
In need of the feeling.
The rush of air pass through me…
The touch of coolness…
The bite in the air.
Waiting, for me…
I wait.
Wandering around the cold, dark room…
No hunger…
No thirst…
Nothing makes me desire…
I sit there…
Looking at the fruit.
Rotting…
Disgusting…
Old.
When was the last time I shopped for fruit…
The question rings in my head, as I hear a knock on the door…
Disrupted…
Frightened… by the past…
Afraid to open the door…
I am frozen.
A rush of the past…
Hits me, hard.
Looking at myself, lying there on the cold, ground…
Waiting, for someone…
To help me…
To bring me back to me.
Wet, from the rain…
Running into the house.
I am in shock… To feel it.
The pain struck me to the floor…
Creeping up to my chest…
Breathing, rapidly…
Unable to move from the ground…
He comes back.
Looking from above, watching me suffer…
He sees it in me…
The thought of ever…
Loving one flew out of my mind.
He knew me…
He said once he would love me…
Forever and ever.
Wait, until I was ready for it…
To start.
Never to hurt me…
Always take care of me.
But, there it was…
The pain…
The hurt…
No more caring.
Just pain.
Lie after lie…
I still forgave him.
A day of him…
Watching me…
A night of him…
Holding me.
He finally broke…
He wanted it more than love…
More than care.
He couldn’t hold up to his commitment.
I opened myself to his world…
His lifestyle…
Looking, at how he lives.
Letting him in…
I gave him what he wanted…
Until, he got… rough.
Showing me more than I wanted.
I wanted to push this away…
But, never tried.
He pushed more and more, until he made it hurt me…
Inside and out.
Life was more… difficult than before.
Silence, lived in the rooms of the houses.
I sit there, roaming around with my eyes…
Then my ears.
Footsteps, crept along the stairs…
Two…Four…Six…Eight.
Three men follow him to my room.
I gulp, loudly…
Unknown to what was going to happen next.
He was just drunk, I tried saying to myself…
As, his arms grasp me, holding me up to his chest.
His breath reeked of alcohol. His eyes dark and mischievous.
He grins, softly, eyes roaming my body…
His lips, gently brush my neck.
I stopped him…
I didn’t want him intoxicated… I didn’t want this guy.
His friends laugh, as I push his head away from my neck and look him in the eyes.
Angry, fills his eyes…
“Please, don’t. You're drunk and need rest.” I whisper, gently…
He let go and…
Pushed me to bed…
His friends grab a hold of me, from each side…
All drunk…
I am even more frightened.
He begins to unbuckle… his belt. falls… holding it to his hand…
He wraps it to cover my mouth.
“Shut up and enjoy.” He grins. Tightening the belt…
A single tear, runs down my eye…
More and more run.
They all laugh, as he pulls my tights down….
I jump and try to pull my arms out, with no chance…
His other friend, watching him…
In action.
Crying trying to scream…
I look up to see him get up and place his friends seat…
Watching him…
In action.
They all…
Had a turn.
They all leave, except for him…
As they take-off… He pulls the buckle off.
I lay there, still…
Wanting to yell and scream…
Wanting to run away…
Report this…
I don’t… I lay there.
Looking at the ceiling…
Why?
How could this be?
I look over to see him, staring at me…
We gaze into each eyes, until he turns away…
Looking, down…
Is he mad?
His arms tense up, watching his tight muscles…
I gasp, softly, for a moment…
He is so beautiful.
Shouldn’t I be mad?
After this…
This… incident?
I am not…
He looks so strong…
So perfect.
I feel paralyzed…
Shocked, to this.
His dreamy eyes gaze back…
Into my horrified eyes.
Scared, of him…
Scare of his scent…
Luring me…
More and more…
How I just want him…
To wrap his strong arms around me.
To warm me…
Hold me…
Tell me, that what he did was a mistake and that he still loves me…
That, this will never happen again. To me.
We will just “forgive and forget without a regret” ….
Like he says. To me.
Everything will be alright…
Right?
The shining man, will wisp me off my feet…
Away from his, world…
Into a world, of freedom…
A world…
We could start over in together…
Sticking with one another…
Gaining each other’s trust…
Over.
Relearning each other…
Give more, love and hope…
To each other.
But,
When will this happen?
When will, he wisp me off into a new world…
Filled of better. Than here.
Will he ever?
Or is it something, I must face on my own?
Confusion, locks deep in my mind…
How?
When?
Can I? Will I?
Everything we’ve been through…
Everything we’ve found…
Tried…
Done.
“Elizabeth. Elizabeth.”
Over all my thoughts…
I hear his voice call out to me.
“Elizabeth.” Shaking me, he is still drunk.
“hmmm….” I murmur softly, looking over at his eyes…
Filled with drowsiness… he looks ready to pass out.
“Could you move over, my head hurts.”
I only nod, moving alittle for him to rest his head.
I lay there, looking up to the ceiling…
Trying, to fall asleep…
His head turns to face, my side…
His eyes open, slightly…
Waking up, to the light shining from the window…
I lay there, awake.
Unable to sleep, unable to think…
My heart beats alittle, feeling his gaze.
It’s time.
Time to move on…
“That’s it.” I laugh, smiling thinking of a new life.
He brings himself up, hung up…From last night.
“What are you talking about?” he says…
I wrap the blanket around my body and raise myself up, confident…
“No more of this. You don’t love me.”
I stand up, leaving the bed…
Feeling the cold air, brush my shoulders telling me to lay in bed…
But, I deny it… I look at the sun shining above the white snow on the streets.
I smile, looking from my side. Seeing his face, confused.
Putting on some clothes and walking away, down the stairs…
I hear a drop, a few steps follow me…
“Where are you going?” he says, tense.
I look at his arms, his hands fisted…
“I am leaving.” I put my backpack on, walking out of the living room.
“No, you’re not.” grabbing me, pushing me hard against the wall.
His arms are beautiful, sculpted, strong but nothing…
His eyes, filled of confusion but anger.
“You are not leaving me.”
I stare into his eyes as he can see my answer…
A tear rolls down my cheek…
He tries to kiss me, but I turn my head…kissing my neck.