The days past, as usual. Things happen but nothing really happens.

Each day dragged on one after the other, the days being normal. Though it was the normal that I couldn't handel, everything seemed liked nothing would change, just do the same routine everyday. Get up and put on this fake facade and do the things I normally do.

It got boring, so boring the point I had to found ways to entertain myself, even if it was painful for a mere moment. Picking up the small blade I had thought dozens of times to pick up but had pushed the thoughts down into a deep pit that didn't seem so deep anymore and was right in my face.

Picking it up the cold metal presses against me skin til I see the velvet red, one, two, three times through the skin. I always thought it would hurt but in this time, this moment I needed that pain the most and so it didn't seem to hurt as much..it actually felt good. 

Felt good to feel something other than the same emotions day in and day out with out ever changing like the routine it was but so despretly wished it wasn't.