An Open Letter to My Ex Girlfriend:

Dear Stranger, I know it has been a short while since we last spoke to each other. As a matter of fact, I know emotions and ill feelings are still probably harbored towards me on your behalf, as they should be. The last time we spoke to each other wasn't a pleasant interaction. I remember it vividly as if it had just happened yesterday. We were on the phone speaking with one another and we did what we frequently did towards the end of our relationship which was argue. I argued with you, you argued with me, and we both seemed to be getting tired of the same old problem. We had promised each other we would no longer continue to argue so that we could coexist peacefully to just enjoy each other's company, but neither you nor I stayed true to that. One minute we would be perfectly fine laughing about in each other's presence, the next minute we would be going at each other's throats like two ravenous dogs. So back to that night, which I like to look at as the "boiling point"of all our infamous fights. I being my typical overreactany, douche bag self was just thinking what I could do to piss you off and I snapped. I said something so cruel and hurtful to you that to this day, I still feel regret towards. Not only did I feel bad about the fact that you cried that night, i knew deep down in my heart i had caused someone i genuinely care about and wanted nothing but to cherish and love her more than anyone in the world, to feel an insurmountable amount of pain. You were utterly shocked that i, the guy who promised to never hurt you, the guy who said you could always trust him, the guy who literally told you he loved you and that you were one of if not the best thing that has ever happened to him, me, that guy, undid all the things I meant in a just a matter of seconds by hurting you the way I did. The pain you felt that night still lingers in your heart, because if it didn't you would forgive me and realize just how heartfelt and sincere I am at this very moment. And you know what? You have every right to still feel hurt over how I acted towards you. I know you probably (about 90-95% of you) still hate me at the moment. So much so that you might not even read this letter, which is okay. I don't deserve your forgiveness, because quite frankly I was wrong. No excuses whatsoever. Why should you forgive me? I promised to never hurt you. I repeatedly told you multiple times I wouldn't yet I did. I lied to you and worst of all I broke a promise to you that I had sworn to keep. In life sometimes you make mistakes and some of those mistakes hurt a lot worse than others. I made plenty of mistakes with you, but my biggest mistake was instead of coming to you and leaning on your shoulder with what I had going on at the time, I decided to take my frustration out on you which in essence caused me to lose you. I know you've experienced your fair share of losses in life ( like your mom passing away and losing connections with people close in your life). Think back to the moment your mom passed away. Think about how you would do anything to see her again, hug her, squeeze her tight, and tell her you love her. I know you're still alive but that's exactly how I feel with you. Believe me, I try not to think about you. I've done everything possible to distract myself of the thought of you. I hang out with my friends, I pick up activities, and have tried some pretty cool lifestyle changes. It's helped a bunch, but I still feel empty without your presence sometimes. Especially late at night when I have my thoughts to myself. I miss being around you. I miss your smile, the way you laugh, the way you liked to cuddle with me and how you would press my head against your chest and rub my hair. I miss your quirky ways and the way you liked to always try to lick my face. You were so awkward, unusual, and yet I adored every bit of it. You were imperfect, stubborn as a mule, and you easily let others influence you. Despite all your flaws, I still think you're the most beautiful girl i've ever laid my eyes on. I realize the errors of my ways and I know I can't undo the past. But believe me when I say I do still love you. You still are the best girlfriend I ever had. Albeit, our relationship only lasted 6 months but It felt like 6 years with the way you and I were inseparable. You were my best friend, my trusted partner. When we were together alone I knew I could let my guard down and be myself around you. I miss the good times we shared. The drives we used to take late at night, the frequent devouring of Cookout, Zaxby's and Chick Fil A we used to do. The countless nights we spent watching movies together. The many sleepovers on the weekend. The constant debate over why I should like Beyonce and why you should give country music a chance. The kisses we shared. The many tears we shed and the heartbreak in our lives that brought us closer together. I even miss our fights. I miss you getting upset with me and the way I always tried to make it up to you. I miss us getting jealous with each other. I miss the way you looked when you slept. I think back to how I would rub your back and your butt while you would sleep. I recall your snores (which you would never admit to) and the way you moved around alot. I also remember the way you would cuddle with me while I slept . You would scratch my back till I fell alseep and when you would think I was sleeping, you would kiss me on my cheek. We shared a lot of good times, and plenty of bad times, but the best part was through it all, we always had each other. But, the one time we should have stuck things out the most we didn't. That's the only regret I have about our relationship. I don't regret the experience I had with you one bit. You taught me a lot, brought out a lot of good things in me I didn't know I had. You showed me that I could care about someone so much, that I would do anything for them. You gave me the gift of loving someone. For that, I thank you. I know your birthday is coming up in a couple of days and i I'd like to wish you a happy early birthday. I hope it's a great birthday and I hope all your dreams and wishes come true. I pray to God that he always keep you safe and watches over you. I pray that your mom always watches over you. I know she's up above smiling at her little girl. I know you're still wounded by what transpired between us, and it makes sense. I hope time heals your pain, just as I hope it heals mine. I'd love to wash your tears away, hold you through any storm that comes your way and protect you from anything. I know at this moment I can't, but just know if you ever feel like you miss me or want to talk to me you know how to reach me. I can't promise you we're made for each other and I can't promise you our relationship would last if given the second chance, but what i can promise you is that if you ever could open up your heart to me again, I would give it my all to love you the way you deserve to be loved. I would put %100 effort to change my ways with you. I would never hurt you again. I know a lot of people say that so I know it's hard to believe but I would prove it to you with my actions. So for right now, it's okay if you still hate me, still refuse to speak to me, and you're having an incredibly hard time forgiving me . It's all part of the healing process. Take your time, all the time in the world you need. When you're ready, I'll be there with your chicken finger plate with extra fries from Zaxby's and a sweet tea or a bottled water waiting to say "hi" and if you're ready you can say hi back. Until then take care chubby cheeks, I love you. Sincerly, your idiot ex boyfriend who really messed up.