' 'suicide' depression' anxiety

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"You know that after life is just nothing" yeah i always knew but i still want it you know when someone is in deep pain when they want nothing insead of life i want nothing in the everything
ive become so dependent on your smile the way your voice lights up  when you see me the way your eyes travel over mine the way they sink into one another like two oceans, merging into one
why
why can't i pull the trigger why can't i end it all now what is holding me back i have no friends my family hates me so why can't i do it why do i feel like i'll be missed no one would miss me
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