anxiety and depression
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Overwhelming feelings reach me,
Wondering when I'll be free.
Trying to think positive,
But I'm submissive.
Speak to me
through your broken heart
speak to me
until you're free
trapped in sorrow and troubling times
but i know you want to be free
Dear Destroyer of Me,
You think the world's bleak
and your glasses, tinted gray.
You engulf me, make me weak
so there's naught I can do but stay.
You consume the joy I find
My mind is like a ship
Slowly rocking at sea
The blue waves so peaceful
I can see miles ahead
I have a plan
I’m following a map
But then comes the storm
Dear Loneliness,
You are with me everyday
With no friends, you are the only one
There is nothing I can say
It seems as if I have no one
As I walk into the room, I put my head to the floor
Their thoughts and expressions im trying so hard to ignore
What people think of me is a burden I always bare
Im shaking with nervousness hoping they don't stare
My world is crashing, I start to cry.
I feel as if I’m going to die.
My thoughts are racing, I cannot think.
My life’s a mess, a tragedy.
Heart starts pumping, I cannot breath.
Fortified within these walls
Never awakening from the outer calls
I can hear them
Never touch them
I can comprehend them
I can't pretend them away
This room is a comfort, a torment
The warm waters of summer washed upon the sun kissed sand as the winds began to speed.
The sand dries courtesy of the warm rays of the sun.
The warmth of the water returns to the sand.
A year ago, on this day
I clutch my belly and pray and pray
I know this is a monumental change
Is it something that I can take?
Will I have enough courage, and strength?
Will I still be the same?
I used to think money was the root of all evil
Until I realized in myself
Truly it's anxiety in people
Money can be good when we discuss economy
But let's go back to anxiety...
Last year, I thought I was getting smaller,
but, in 2017, I've been standing taller.
My friends and family have been there
when my anxiety has been too much to bear.
Anxiety has been there in the beginning,
Can you, for sure, say that you are alright?
I, with utter ease, can say no I’m not.
I am like a porcelain doll, fragile,
I am easy to break, easy to bend, helpless
What do you say to someone who has been there?Through your ugliest times, and transitions through life.Giving hugs when you need them, and kisses where it hurts.These are the things I could never lose from you.
Why is it that the more recovered I think I am,
The happier I seem,
The more I smile,
The more open I am...
Why is it that, inside, things might just be getting worse?
It's a trick,
Alone I feel every second of every day
There is no real cause to why I feel this way
No person or thing, no action at all
I break down inside because I feel I have no one to call
When I forgot to singIt killed me slowlyLooking past all the thingsThat once made me human And in my mysteryA dreary smile Memories stay far from meThe weak and alone I walked a short wayThough my legs danced as if a mileConcoctions just like meY
Sweet as a cupcake,Busy as a bee,She is my daughter,And she is why I live.
My depression is dark,My anxiety thick,But she is my light,And she is why I live.
Rise in the morning, to know something is wrong.
Enter class to see blurs of movement and shades.
A panicked breath and a step back.
It is too late.
The color of my face, the wind in my hair
Are all symptoms of the life I bear.
Chilling bursts with the warmth of the sun,
Are contradictions of the life I’ve won.
I am worn down and I am restless
Keep looking to the sky
Cause I’m forgetting where my faith is
This should be easy. This should feel more right.
But I can’t give my pain to you,
She cannot tell them what she feels
Nor what she thinks in her tortured mind
Because if she does she knows how it will look
And deep down inside she cares what you think of her
The beginning…
Their was not 1… not 2… not 3 or 4… but 5.
Vacant vessels, all scattered and lost.
All of which were bound to be together.
Empty, but with a craving for peace… love… serenity
i'm emptyfor a minuteit doesn't hurt anymoresomething to take my pain awayfor a few minutesit feels goodi've adapted to the pain mysuffering is not that badbut the doctors
what’s that?
oh, it was just the cat
she was clueless
what’s on your wrist?
oh, it’s just a scratch
i was working outside
It’s not depression
It’s not suicidal
It’s not anxiety
Because I tell myself
It’s not
Others have it worse
Anxiety gripped her,
Its boney fingers long.
She tried to resist its grip.
But it grew tighter
And tighter
With each futile shake.
What if I forgot to turn off my cars headlights,
What if I forgot that I've checked 3 times this night?
What if college is going to bury me in a grave of debt,
I resent you because you resent me because I resent you.
I love you because I hate that I hate you.
I'm angry with you because you're angry with me because I'm angry at you.
One moment you're fine
Then all the sudden
It hits you
Heart pounding
Palms sweating
Its hard to breathe
Everyone is asleep
I need to calm down
what can I do?
if the sand was silk
would you still step over it?
if the rocks were gems
would you pick them up?
or would you
still step over it?
it become harder to live
or more likely so
My Depression and my Anxiety are in an epic love affair.
They do majestic flamenco dances filled with passion,
as they run into the other, with the intention of killing,
Alone I sit drowning in my pain
Dark negative thoughts overflow my brain
These feelings unwanted I did not want this fight
Now I sit and question if I can make it through the night
I hate asking for help, i hate being a bother
But thats what happens when you can't talk to a mother and father
For all those who say "Im so sad or im so depressed"
Living with depression it's taking a tool
Every day is's draining my soul
Go to sleep tired waking up still
Pop open the bottle taking a pill
Alone in my head and no where to go
The last year, one last chance to make a mark.
My mark, what will it be? I am just discovering
who I am and I feel it's too late. Days keep going,
I try to come to terms with it. For me, high school is ending.
You're crying again...
tears comin' down your face
You're sobbing, almost in tears, all in tears,
depressing, or anger
hitting your fists against the wall
tellin' yourself it won't happen again,
I cut the cord and now I’m floating here
above the bloody mess that
used to be the thing they called me
not quite a person just me
Never forget those terrible things he did
those terrible things he said
the things that made yu cry in bed
praying to only see red
the blood dripping down your wrists
oh alice what will we do with you
I am laying here in my cold, unwelcoming room Barely tired enough for my eyes to get heavy enough start to close But my mind is so full of thoughts and questions that I can't silence I cannot get my mind to quiet down enough for me to be carried
I have been forced to live with this stranger for 16 years.
It’s not fun living with a basket case.
She is the reason I was shunned by my peers.
It’s not my fault, they have good taste.
