angst
Learn more about other poetry terms
It's a long shot
Some David and Goliath shit
If Goliath were a whole damn city
And everyone bet on David losing
And David showed up to the fight refusing
But I'll do it
Sometimes it comes at night. Or first thing in the morning. After I drink tea. Or have sex.
Once it was after the man I loved told me he’d never leave. Then once again when he left anyway.
Sometimes I feel as if I am transparent, my vulnerabilities and fears tattooed across my body, worry and wonder worry and wonder until my mind runs into circles of doubt, never ending, the rhythm of my heart beats in tune with this, th
I accidentally filled her mindwith serenading cicadasthat erupted on El Dia De Los Muertos,a piñata swarm of insects,their nightmarish candy formseating away all the love in the universe,
I never was one for roller coasters,
I like my feet firmly on the ground, thanks.
But I’ve bought a ticket,
I’m going to ride,
so push your fucking mood swing higher.
Look, ma,
no hands.
i’m supposed to be doing homework,
but how can i focus on vectors when i’m picturing you on the edge,
fire out of your control and closing in?
will i be enough for you
The teacher told me to study more.
My family wanted me to do well in school,
And because of the teacher, my grades began to soar.
Studying soon became a chore,
Days grow longer, nights colder;
Everything seems to change. Yet, there’s still me-
I’m unchanging.
Same face, same clothes, same friends, same creation.
Days grow longer, nights colder;
Everything seems to change. Yet, there’s still me-
I’m unchanging.
Same face, same clothes, same friends, same creation.
I think I was eleven. No, I was ten, but it was eleven weeks before my eleventh birthday.
Imagine this for a second-
At ten years old you are given a choice, shoot yourself up with drugs or die.
These are the baby teeth you forgot about
the pieces of you that you don't remember
the sweetness of your innocence
the roots of your upbringing
that passed by in rollerskates and scraped knees
I can't hold on,
I can't let go...
I keep on breathing
But each breath is suffocating.
My heart keeps pounding
But in my own blood,
I'm sinking.
I am the wild youth.
I am made to become something as I had started,
But I stand here as nothing.
My voice is the loudest, the most rebellious, and the angriest,
Because I am a nice person,I will mother and worry over you.Because I am a nice person,I will let you have your way.Because I am a nice person,I will let it slide.Because I am a nice person,
There you go again.
Leaving me behind.
Take me with you!
No, don't take me.
Not this time.
I yearn,
And when you finally offer,
I reject.
Because if I accept,
OnceThey loved usNowWe forget the very reason We thought so
OnceThey said they can't live without youNowThat's what they'd rather do
Maybe you don't think of me much
Or maybe you don't think much of me
But when I take my mind for walks
We end up sitting under aspen trees.
I hate the way some like to say,
"Man high school was some bullshit!"
Like, "I never learned anything useful!"
i remember falling in love with you as if it happened yesterday
we had only met but you made me feel things
i swore i could never feel again
My life consists of heartbreak,
It's all made up of shit.
Confusion is synonymous
With life and life with it.
I hate to look in mirrors
To see what's looking back:
The sunken eyes, the fatty thighs,
A woman's mouth approaches the screen
so zoomed in
Red lines of blood
chapped lips let out a dry whisper
"everything looks so bright"
A cool breeze dances on your neck's back
I could see that pain and hatred in your eyes
The moment she spurned you as childish and unwise.
I know how it feels to be scorned and chastised.
I know how it feels to go against those baptized.
trembling fingers reach out
for a comfort.
a sign.
a moment of raw and
pure vulnerability that leaves
you with a sense of
freedom.
Dear Childhood,
I wish I had gotten to know you better How long ago was it that I left? It was certainly early
Dear God
I am so afraid
I am so afraid of being wrong
Not saying 2+2=3
But of being so damn wrong in who I am
So damn wrong in my choices
Stop and consider the chasm between us,We two individuals, proudly inconsiderate, And considerably proud, I understand the rust now,
The Words
Spill onto
The paper in
Dropletts of agony
Things that left my mind
When the tenderness of the moment
Encapsulated me in the
Woven Tapestry of
Your adortion
There are many things in life that don’t make sense.
Why are we here?
What is our purpose?
How were we created?
I wish I knew.
We were the best of friends.Just barely the age of six.We knew each other ever since we learned how to add with our fingers.We became friends because I thought fate willed us to see eachother again.
Often, I think of nothing at all
when you obscure my view.
I think of others down the hall
and consider the morning dew.
The way light catches the air,
the term hopeless romantic,
serves nothin but a plastic,
point of view, that everything
and i mean everything, is perfect
what chaos could ensue?
sad nights and gender dysphoria
Never have I asked for this,
A dungeon with a twist.
Never did I want this,
A chain lays heavy on my wrist.
Never could I pondered this,
A life on the list.
It was never supposed to happen,
i remember
i sat there, in my cold seat along the last row
you were there, a building and a world away
the thought of you suddenly plagued my mind
i knew i just had to write something about you
My hands fumble, are those your shirt buttons or my hearts crumbles?Completely alone ive gone numb, is my happiness real or just a decoy?My eyes have gone blind & I can't see the line between the truths and a lie and
To write about happiness
is unmarked territory and
I wonder what it's like over there.
I wonder what it's like
to be in love with being alive.
Is it like entertwining my hands
Riots rule the streets,
While revolutions rule the world
To say nothing at all
Is to choose the side of evil
Even if you disagree
Words are worse
Than sticks and stones
March 6, 2017:
Sorrowful living is a long, desolate path
It’s where you’ll never really feel complete, but you don’t do much to fight it
Because, though you just want to be happy, you don’t know where to begin
my thoughts are a cry for help
a cry echoing into the void
the unhearing void
the uncaring void
i feel so alone
my mask of laughter
it must be convincing
does anyone know how i really feel?
This silver light does shine tonight.
Your celestial body illuminates so bright
And brings this will of mine to fight.
As the moon doth draw a curtain upon the Earth,
So does my heart for your gentle mirth.
Tugged
Two sides
Pulling
Each wanting me for their own
They try to get along
For my sake
But they do not know
Is it called suicidal if it’s not
right this minute that you want to die?
I have a lot to look forward to.
It’s just that, sometimes, I don’t particularly
when we met as fledgeling adolescents on that solstice day,
the lake was blue--
no, grey--
no,
the color of bitter
I keep coming back to you
even after all the shit you've put me through
I try to stay away and guard myself
but I can't, and I won't
you're poisonous to my health
now things get worse
Home Four letters Four walls In the left corner of your bedroom there is an old mattress I once asked why you keep your bed in a corner You said it was easier to feel safe
One time I talked to a stone wall,
and it was just like talking to you.
Except
without the interuptions.
I say,
Hey, Wall, what's happenin'?
You think you're trapping me,
Where roses meet asphaltWither. Rot. Mold. Asphyxiate.Here lie collapsed towersHeat. Lost. Combustion. Timber.Angels fallen trumpet loudAshes. Feathers. Triumph. Lore.Time runs ever odd
It’s all so cold
lost and lonely, veiled by frost-
be quiet, I’m told
never speak up, no cost
never any loss-
A hard glare.
A clipped sentence.
A detached expression.
A broken emotion.
'Why?' Hurt, angst, unease, trepidation, the eyes refracted my pleading words.
'Why?' The withdrawn tone tore at the veil.
My despondency wraps it's arms around me,
Motherly embrace,
I cannot walk away..
My pathos leading me to beautiful mourning,
Waves of melancholy spreading all over my body..
I cannot walk away.
A word was never uttered from your mouth
But apologies was spoken from mine
A group of friends hung around you all the time
While I had no one to confort me when I cried
You stole my heart
Anything a heart desires
Locked away
Listening to you without return
I can't imagine a world without it
Toto, we are not in Kansas anymore, We are neck deep in denialshouting from our lungs,We are starving head cases.We are two am phone calls to our mothersaying, Mom, I messed up.
i wish there’s someway i could tell you
about not being able to sleep.
i want you to view me with virtue;
i want your opinions to keep.
so i can’t tell you of what i’m dreaming,
This poem is not about her small heart and how it beat against my chest,
A steady stuttering rhythm,
Th-thump th-thump th-thump.
This poem is not about her small hands and how they cradled my chest,
There is beauty
in everything
in life, in death, in whatever comes before
but beauty mostly resides
inside of a heart
Whiskey-colored rays of light coming from the window dragged me out of bed.
Its not easy
They said
You'll have to struggle
They said
Don't be a rebel
They said
I didn't even intend to be one
However there were other things
They never said
I.
I am fascinated by numbers
I have an affinity for numbers.
I have written him 71 pages of poems.
14675 words and counting
2462 stanzas
3241 lines mounting.
Upon each other like
Green eyes envy more than blue
Fields of emeralds feel softer than ocean waves, but not to you
Absent anarchy fills absent minds
Your tsunami still fills mine
Uprooted by shrieks and horrors,
Brushing my teeth
I use extra-strength whitening paste
But look at your teeth, the Voice says. They're all nasty and yellow.
I see a bottle of polish sitting by my sink
I’m falling to pieces
From these full-moon musings
I kept a journal
Stayed up all night
You promised one day
But I wanted forever
Save your sorries
Don’t act like I’ve ever been okay.
Because it’s in the smile when I’m angry
The straight lips you demanded when you couldn’t take more
The obedience you looked for
It’s all in me
and it is me
Did you ever think
That maybe I don't spend time with you
Because during every moment spent with you,
Every aspect of my life is scrutinised?
Did you ever think
That the differences you saw
I do not understand why I am this way
cursed with utter silence of my heart.
As death do part my frivolous woes
I free thine spirit from wretched guilt
and break free the bonds that kept me sane.
Darling, stop.
Look at the mess you've made of yourself.
How did you end up here?
Going to sleep, hoping not to wake,
searching for your release in the form of blood and a blade?
Aren't you tired of this?
It feels like I'm blind and cant see, like I'm stranded in the middle of the sea, like I'm submerged under water and can't breathe, like my sarrows are an obvious fact that no one will believe.
You wonder if it's all in your head.
Why can't you run awayor cry for help?
Once again, you are driven against the cold cement.
You become paralyzed.
Unable to move
Hello? Is anybody there?
Can you hear me? Do you care?
I’m screaming inside
And this laugh is a joke about how much it hurts
……
One word
One phrase
One joke
One comment
The blood seeps in
Through the cracks on the walls
And it penetrates
Into my spirit
Evolving my state
Into a more impeccable union
Listlessly it closes in
On the lion
I think the saddest word is maybe
Maybe I did It
Maybe it was not me
Maybe I will never admit
If I may be a good girl
Maybe I should wait
I could wipe off 90% of that so called beauty with a kleenex...
I see that your outershell is gorgeous
Underneath that.. It's pure ugly
No.
Not your face.
Your insides. Your guts. your soul.
If I didn't change methen I don't know how I'd beI've lived my life through broken memoriesof who I once wasmixed with all the people who have shaped meinto the thing I am today
I try to write about flowers
Sunny days and smiles
But it ends up about sadness
Lonely nights and wrist slits
The angst machine is real
And it tears my work to pieces
I’d change the homophobia, the fear and the hate,
The suppression of expression we face each day,
The way they look at us as though we’re not quite right,
AND ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS ARE YOU OKAY OR DO YOU MERELY SAY YOU ARE TO AVOID WEIRD GLANCES AND LONG AWKWARD TALKS ABOUT FEELINGS THAT DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING EXCEPT ENSURE THAT YOU WILL NEVER TALK TO ANYONE AGAIN ARE YOU OKAY OR DO Y
THANK YOU FOR TEACHING ME HOW TO KISS MY OWN WOUNDS EVEN THOUGH I STILL SOMETIMES PRETEND THAT IT IS YOUR LIPS AND YOUR HANDS AND YOUR WORDS AND YOUR LOVE BUT I AM THE ONLY PERSON THAT IS WILLING TO MAKE ME BETTER RIGHT NOW AND I A
I NEED RESCUING OVER AND OVER AND AGAIN AND AGAIN BECAUSE I CANNOT REACH ALL THE WAY DOWN MY THROAT AND PULL THE WEED OUT ROOTS AND ALL SO IT GROWS BACK AN INFINITE NUMBER OF TIMES UNTIL I AM CRYING AND IT IS SLOWLY KILLING ME AND
WHAT I DONT UNDERSTAND IS WHY IS LOVE SO READILY AVAILABLE TO SOME PEOPLE BUT SO HARD FOR ME TO ACCESS WHY IS IT SO EASY FOR ME TO LOVE OTHER PEOPLE BUT HARDER THAN HELL TO LOVE MYSELF AND WHY IS IT OKAY THAT I CAN SO COMPLETELY IN
PINK LIPS AND A TONGUE MADE OF FIRE AND CRACKED TEETH LIKE AN OLD PORCELAIN SINK THIS IS WHY I CAN'T GET YOU OUT OF MY HEAD THIS IS WHY I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOUR BLOOD FLOWING THROUGH MY VEINS BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH I TRY TO CUT IT OU
BECAUSE YOU AND I ARE LIKE ASHES FALLING INTO THE BATHTUB WATER OFF OF THE END OF YOUR LIT CIGARETTE AND I AM SO SAFE AND YOU ARE SO DANGEROUS AND WHEN WE ARE TOGETHER YOU TRIP LIGHTLY FROM THE FLAMES AROUND YOU AND FIZZLE OUT IN M
I am hardwired to feel every emotion so deeply that I have to rip holes in my skin to let them out and I am not human enough to be considered alive on the other side of it all
IT IS ELEVEN FIFTY EIGHT ON A WEDNESDAY NIGHT AND I AM LYING IN A HOTEL BED WITH YOUR NAME ON MY WRIST STARING AT THE CEILING AND IM TRYING SO FUCKING HARD NOT TO CRY BUT HOLY SHIT I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU LIKE HELL AND I D
It is wet and rancorous
and my new leather shoes would feel the worst of it long before I got to class.
I stopped, before exiting, to appreciate the mighty storm – and open my umbrella.
You’re looking out your window tonight
So many things running through your mind
You feel like you’ve lost who you are
You want to find your way back to the start
But you can’t, oh no, you can’t
Am I not good enough for them?Is who I am not who they want me to be?They want me to be this plastic, perfect figure that I don’t seeAnd they need to know, they need to know
I’ve seen apart of me I didn’t recognize.
Through my eyes I saw how my reactions to your actions, made me low, low point on the scale,
I’ve inhale, what you’ve exhaled to me.
sitting in the broken land. surrounded by dead memories of lost friends.
family and friends are all dead,
the ties to my history have no thread.
i lay motionless,
cry towards beauty and sonnetts to the grave,
In this torturous classroom
I sit in row 5, seat 3
and to my right in row 4, seat 3
sits the most beautiful boy I've ever laid eyes on.
Every time we make eye contact
I feel a rush of warmth
This body is not an apology
This blacked out mirror
This blacked out skin
This skin like shadows
This shadow makes noise
This "bitch don't make noise"
Life, too often, is rushed.
No time to waste, no time to relax
No time to even say good morning
" Tick-Tock " says the clock!
Everyone's gotta be somewhere
Rush, rush, rush
Rush to school
The fact that evil is stronger than good
is evil itself.
Why must good be weaker than evil?
Why must death me faster than creating life?
Why must bullies be stronger than nerds?
It seems these days the only way to be considered for anything is to be a battered, broken, shell of a person. The scholarships, the colleges, they want survivors They want the best storyBut what about me?
IT’S A girlThe three deadliest words in the world.So many keep disappearing just because of the flip of the coin.
The girl screams wolf,
And we all arrive,
To find no dog but her reprise.
She lazily asks for a cup of tea,
Ungrateful in our company.
So we turn away to our own lives,
Warning her not to spout lies.
When I’m on the white sand shore
in the world of my muse,
I could swear that it is during the death of night
that the world is most alive.
#1– O/S:
Your mismatched eyes are so beautiful.
– One of glowing umber, as bright as the fantasy of Neverland,
I'm not in transit, I'm not moving
the pieces of me are not regrouping
I'm hitting the gas on a car in park
I'm a flickering candle out in the dark
Nothing and more nothing, that's what this is
Even though you don't love me,
the smoke you left behind is choking me.
I'm blinded by the gray.
Maybe
the worst part
is that you left all kinds of scars I couldn't understand.
How can you not see
The lines under my eyes?
Haven’t we earned our grades?
We’ve played along with this silly game
Graphite scratching out curves
To make letters and numbers
The artist who uses blood for paint
The boy who needs to love
Her passion and fury she fears will taint
One like a gentle dove
The water gets high,
my oxygen is low,
I'm barely getting by and I've nowhere left to go.
The heart beats,
blood races,
body heats,
surrounded by bruised faces.
Hush,
DIG ME OUT OF THIS FUCKING GRAVE!Stop burying me in past memories,Forgotten conversations,Guilty Temptations,The unending persuasionsTo take you back-
NO!
Thoughts of her
Dripping into my sternum
From all the way up there
In my brain
Where she has implanted herself
Like an alien egg
I suddenly realized
(at five years old)
Death applies to me too
That children become grown-ups
who become grandmas
who were the ones who died
And I was a children.
Faces passing by
bland grey in the corner of my eye
To think I see them every day
again and again along my way
they don't know my name I don't know theirs
if one goes missing no one cares
The self is the mortar of prison wallsThe heart and brain locked in vicious schism Bearing the visage through these endless hallsOf glasses the hue of pessimism
they criticize at me.
saying I am lazy and don't deserve to have
a second chance.
"you should have done the work I assigned"
but they're not there for when the fights get too much
We built our kingdom on hopes and dreams--
Our castle will never fall.
Our fears, our faults, our insecurities--
Here, they mean nothing at all.
We rule the land as King and Queen--
Will it come to pass me by
or will it never come at all
Will it come with my sorrows
or will it come with my family's sorrows
I ask myself this everyday
for you never know when it'll be your last
All this fascination with death and dyingleaves me listless and wondering why.Pull the covers aside and let the cold find your feet,any sensation is welcome.
For all the things I've left unspoken
I know they would be better off left unsaid.
I'm left in a dream again.
Please allow me to show you my life.
I want to show you my pain
I have erased you.
Like a smudge on my paper.
Because you are
distracting,
because you are
unnecessary.
I have blotted you out,
Mountain ridges arise from your back
Everything is broken
gloves on, real friends, fake friends
No Tongue
Raven at your window
get out get out get out
permanent, this
It doesn’t matter how many dates I get who wants to be with me who pays attention It doesn’t matter how pretty I am how perfectly my hair curls or how blue my eyes are
it was fine, great even until it wasn’t a familiar stirring within whispering everything i’m not maybe never will be twisting my stomach into
Fuck you,
I wish I could.
You flirt with me,
Even though
you don’t like guys?
Bullshit.
You tell me:
You have something to say.
You don’t say it,
And we lapse
Darting blue eyes
scoping out the café.
Sweating fingers
tracing anxious temples
as you search for a new prey.
You think you’re so cool
Breaking up with me by phone
I’m sorry but obviously
You don’t know the definition of gentleman
You think you’re in the zone,
Taking girls on dates in private jets
I love the outdoors, and the sunshine.
I love walking with my boyfriend, and spending time with my family.
I love enjoying life, and thinking about the bright future that lies ahead of me.
So, what don't I love?
Step by step she takes
Holding her breath
all of the way
“She knows what everything’s about”
they say
Not a single hair
out
of
place
Her words are precious because
When we met you said you were dangerous,
A word like licking knife blades, razor sharp;
Dancing in silk slippers on an icy-slick roof-edge.
You said it to sound dark and brooding,
A walk on the wrong side of the tracks.
Hooded eyes: downcast, afraid
Hunched shoulders, bearing the weight
Sad smile, betraying the truth
The pressure: too much for this youth.
