about my mental state

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What if I’m tired of living? But, what if I don’t want to die? I wish I could be man enough I wish I had the bravery to say -          I can live, nothing is too difficult   Alas, that’s not me
My Dear, Chloe Do not forget me. Remember the days you would talk about me,  whisper things of lies and ugly thoughts, read through the group message that you kicked me out of Dream of me. 
Dear Trauma,   letting you go is harder than diminishing you into “just something that happened to me” or “nothing big really”.
Dear Catdog in my brain,   You have cause me a lot of pain You are obsessive-compulsive disorder But in order to cope I gave you a nickname   Catdog, you compress my lungs
Dear Mom,   Most the time dad was not home So you were the one who raised me I almost put you through so much pain I could never tell you to your face
There are monsters inside.Inside they hide.They hide in my head, my heart, soul.They can cause pain.They jump and claw on my brain.
I'm sorry Mom, I'm sorry Dad, for all the things I should have said. Let you know about all the strife I was going through inside my head.   All the things I've heard and seen, all the pain writhing within me.
Because I love you I will s m o o t h out your hair whenever you get frustrated Because I love you I will watch movies I. Don’t. Like. Because I love you I will go on adventures with you  
I am stronger than I think I amI am my biggest criticI am the worst artistI am the worst singerI am the worst studentI am a horrible friendI am a horrible poetI am my own destruction
  Miss in, your infinite jest              your classic fury              your talking seeds   Mist, the clouds of vermillion          the masquerade of bells          the chef behind red
The truth behind Beauty and the Beast By Alex Dix  
Damn, I just lost my fucking blade againCuts all on my thighs, what a fucked up work of art Broke the pencil sharpener today at schoolRipped the blade out and shoved it in my shoeWent home and locked the bedroom door
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