It was a beautiful sunday morning
i said I would get a jumpstart on my initative to lose weight
I was about to go for a bike ride when my uncle rang the doorbell
I let him in and he said
"is it true"
"is what true?"
"is it true that your father got killed last night?"
my heart dropped. I ran into my room and called his cell phone over and over
"OF ALL THE TIMES NOT TO ANSWER YOUR PHONE, YOU CHOOSE NOW!"
I gave up after the 20th time and ran and banged on my mom's door
Her eyes were bloodshot.
I fell to the floor.
i was hysterical
then later on that day -- when I had calmed down-- i thought about everything i had ever cried about
not being able to go to a school dance
being made fun of
It all seemed so trivial in comparison.
I had never known that sadness could take on a physical form
there was this ache all over my body. This sadness that i wouldn't wish on anyone
This hollow feeling
my voice was different. My dreams were different. my heart was literally broken.
I saw a headline in the paper about all the killings that weekend
"The bloodiest weekend in recent history"
They misspelled his name. How nice.
They took from me something more than a father. They stole my best friend.
So thank you Chicago, you've made a cynic out of me.