You Were Never There For Me

You were never there for me.

You Weren’t there when I said my first words.

You weren’t there when I took my first step, first started to run, jump, or when I pretended to fly and got hurt in the process.

You weren’t there for my first day of kindergarten or any other grades after that.

You weren’t there when I got bullied in the third grade and had to switch schools again, or to tell me that sometimes kids are bullies because they only felt insecure about themselves.

You weren’t there with me when we had to leave everything behind and move to another city, another state.

You weren’t there to explain to me how puberty works and how bad it will hurt in the future or that it will change your body and your voice.

You weren’t there when I started middle school in the sixth grade as the youngest girl in the entire class.

You weren’t there to help me with any of my homework assignments or any science projects where you had to go home and look at your parents and decide which parent you got your eyes or nose or mouth from.

You weren’t there to tell me that I had A.D.D. and that it would be hard for me to concentrate in math class or any class for that matter.

You weren’t there to help me learn how to put on makeup without looking like a clown in front of other people, or to help me get my first bra, or there to help me with my “young lady problems.”

You weren’t there for any of my dance recitals since I was two. And I’m still in dance today.

You weren’t there for any of my sporting events, games, or my band and choir concerts.

You weren’t there for my graduation from the eighth grade to high school.

You weren’t there to help me decide which electives I should take and which ones I shouldn’t.

You weren’t there to see me start high school as the youngest girl in the grade yet again.

You weren’t there to help me with any of my “boy problems” or to help me with what kind of boys I need to stay away from, or get closer to.

You weren’t there to help me decide what kind of people I need to surround myself with, what kind of friends I need, who I should hang out with, and who I can bring back to my home and introduce them to you.

You weren’t there when I decided to try my hardest to become a foreign exchange student but found out that I can’t because  we don’t have enough money to do so.

You weren’t there to help me when I felt as if the world around me is going to cave in and crush me flat, or when I ran away from home because I thought that I could never amount to anything better than a straight F student and never be the perfect daughter for anyone because already in my life I had one mother who turned me down and decided to not fight for me anymore.

You were never there for me.

And you never will be.

You won’t be there for me when I graduate high school and hopefully get some kind of scholarship to some type of university.

You won’t be there when I move out of my parents house and get my own home with my own money.

You won’t be there when I graduate from that college or university and become something you never were and never will be.

You won’t be there to see me get married to a handsome and rich husband and have kids together.

You won’t be there when I become the mother that you never were and could never have been.

You won’t be there when I get my first child and foster him or her because for some god damned reason his or her parents can’t or won’t take care of him or her.

You won’t be there to see that when I get older and become a foster mom, I will treat them as if they were my own and treat them better than you ever treated me.

You won’t be there to see them grow up and become the successful person I know they can be because hopefully whatever I did impacted them in some way that want themselves to be successful and try their hardest to become whatever they want to be in life.

You won’t be there to see me get old and tire easier than I should because of old age.

You won’t be there to see me laying in that hospital bed telling my kids what my final wishes were and that all I want is to see them happy and joyful because my life was put to some good in this wicked world that contained you in it for some time and have more people like you in it. People that decide to get high and drunk and get frisky with some random stranger that only wants to get into your pants and you let him. You let them get to you too many times that you had eight children and none of them had the same father. You don’t fight. You don’t try. And you make terrible decisions that impacted tons of people that you don’t even know about. You didn’t even have the capacity to come to your final viewing of your twin daughters or even say goodbye.

You won’t be there to see me become the good, kind, beautiful, strong independant woman that you never were.

You were never there for me.

And you never will be.

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family
Our world
Guide that inspired this poem: 

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