You say so
You say it takes two,
But if you only knew
The lengths to which I have traveled.
The late nights I've pulled,
The troubles I've told,
The energy I have provided.
I used to use all
My time, large and small,
To please and hope you approved,
Until you began
To expect, then I ran
Out of ideas to lose.
You wanted much more
Than I could give, for
You loathed my existence until
I could do what you want
Without whine or a cant,
No love coming from my bent will.
Yet still, you perceived
That I never would leave
Due to your selfish desires.
In my own mind
I never could find
A balance between light and a fire.
Your fire was kindled
And never has dwindled,
Though sparked with the best intentions,
It has long burned inside,
Making me hide
From the anguish of its interventions.
I want to please you
I want you to view
Me as someone who is worthy
To receive all your pride,
And not have to hide,
Due to 10 doubts and a worry.
I want to be friends
With means of no ends
To be jovial-filled with laughter.
Yet you say this is wrong
This just shouldn't be done,
Even with strength I’ve chased after.
I know I have lost
All respect at the cost
Of trying to gain independence
But, in spite of my faults,
I’m not alone in my gall
To accuse that which is not accepted.
I am told by my peers,
For the last many years,
That I'm kind, loving, a saint,
An example to all
One who won’t fall,
But will pick others up off their feet.
Our emotions together
Knock heads with each other
Always opposing the other's
So I've learned to stay quiet,
To heed and to try it-
The loneliness that causes no bother.
I'm sorry I'm not
What you seem to have thought
I could’ve or would've become.
But I'm trying to live,
Just trying to give
Peace to the ones that I love.