You are Somebody

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 07:07 -- LWB™


Wake up brush the teeth, wash the face. Avoiding the mirror, can't stand the feeling I get when I stare right at my face.
Disgusting, Weak, Nobody, Sinner.

Getting dressed makes it no better, picking my clothes out what style looks better. When in reality I only care about how others perceive me.
Will they like it, will they compliment me despite the fact that nobody even notices me.

Go to the kitchen, step-dad already left to work cause he's the one who brings home the bacon, moms sound asleep.
I don't know what she takes, but I already know the feeling of taking a lil white pill, snuck in the room and took em.
Even tho I know its wrong to steal, my conscious doesn't eat at me for it cause nobody knows how I really feel.
Pop some as I catch my reflection out the corner of my eye, man I just wanna cry.
But its been so long since I've actually had.

Don't show anyone you're broken, hold it all in you'll be fine.
I've already molded my heart to that thought, now it stays cold almost like the winter snow.
But mines worst, its so frozen I could stomp on it and it won't even shatter.

I walk down the driveway as I'm sparking a blunt.
Mary Jane seem like its the only thing that keeps me kinda sane.
Bus pulls, shake my head as I get in.
17 and I don't even have my own whip I can ride in.
Look around familiar faces, but I'm a nobody so I just take a seat.
Hear the sound of laughter but I hate it, I wish I could have just one more moment that I could experience it.
Put the head phones in, vibin to the words of the song as it gives a lil meaning.
Now that my eyes are red and these pills are giving off a feelings.

I get to school and all I see is the smirks on my peers faces as I step off.
Walk with my head straight down not caring where I'm going, but hoping maybe I can accidentally bump into someone just so they can talk to me.
Bell rings I go to my locker, I see people stare but never hear a simple hi.
Warning bell rings, I rush to my class and quickly take a seat.
Teacher tries teaching, some of my certain classmates act out just looking for attention, me I just say the same prayer that I've been saying since I could remember.

Lord, please take me out I'm already a ghost so how much harder could it be for you just to, please.
Class number 3 its study hall that means only 2 more classes and I get to leave.
I sit there, my highs gone and the pills are starting to fade, so I put my head phones back in, finally a state of mind that I enjoy. Make a few weird eye contacts but everybody just turns and talks to the person next to them.
The next 2 classes go by like a breeze, the lunch bell rings and I know I finally get to leave.

I walk to my aunts so she can give me a ride home.
I walk in and grab something to drink trying to avoid her question cause I already know what's she's about to say.
I hear, how was your day, I try not to let the tears that I've been holding run down my face so I make up a quick lie and say it was good.
My aunt walks closer until we're face to face I try to give her a grin and she's numb to the fact that I just want to break down behind this mask.
We pull to my house An I get out and I start heading to my shed, I know I have 30 minutes until my mom finds out that I'm home.

So I roll a quick Swisher and lace it with my emotions.
Each hit I take the more I forget about what was yet another shitty day.
I throw it and stomp on it hiding the evidence, so my parents won't have another reason to bitch at me about.
I walk in the house and my mom and I catch a glimpse of each other.
They say a mother can tell when something is wrong with their child but not my mom.
She says I'll be back in a lil bit, you know what you need to get it done before I get home.
Blind to the fact that I just want a hug and to hear those 3 words I love you.
She walks out with a slam in the door, and I start getting the trash together and say to myself I'm sick of this, I can't stand to be one more lonely day here.
Take the trash out and get my mind made
up, I'm ending it.
If someone really cared I would've got a fake smile or a grimly hey by now. I go to my moms shelf by the bed pour a handful of the ones I usually take and another of some ones, but only enough to where I know she can't notice.
I clean up the dishes with a red face and heart full of mixed emotions.
I finish everything and a lil later she walks in.

I'm at the table and I hear, oh you still haven't got that done yet stupid.
No ma'am it's extra credit I say to her as she's rolling her eyes.
She's says you need to be doing extra shit around the house, you're acting like your uncles and you're the spitting image of your dad, but you wouldn't know that cause he could care 2 shits less about you. Mine one button and she pushes it.
That when it does it for me if I had any doubts they were now gone.
I go and wait in my room for my step-dad to get home so we can eat.
He arrives and we sit getting ready to eat.

Dinner is going by and I'm doing my best to not get talked down on.
Its easy for me to avoid my dad as he never been much for words when it meant talking to me.
I pick at my food as I'm disgusted with myself and have a loss of appetite.
Dinner gets finished along with the dishes as I'm not even noticed.
I sit at the edge of my bed starring at a table full of pills, while a random radio station is playing in the background. I can't hold it in anymore tears rush down my face like rain on a window.
As I grab the pills and get ready to shove them down my throat, my phone starts ringing.
Its one of my sisters calling, I haven't spoke to her in a year and a half.

She starts chatting with me with and then ask if I'm ok, of course I tell her.
She says no are you really ok, I know I haven't been there for you lately even tho you've needed me.
I'm sorry, and you know you can tell me anything.

My hands turn clammy as well as sweaty. All my feelings that I've kept bottled for so long rush out.
I'm done, I'm tired, and nobody cares, I just can't take it anymore.

I know what your going thru cause I've been thru it to.
Nobody knows this but I'll tell you.
I had a razor ready to cut my veins on my wrist in half.
But I forgot to lock the door and just as I was getting ready to make the cut, you walk in.
I quickly hid the razor, and looked at you as you told me.

I love you sister and most of all God loves you more than you could imagine, please don't ever leave me you're the best.

As you shut the door tears trembled from my face to the carpet like hail in a bad thunderstorm.
I know you wouldn't understand then so that's why I'm telling you now.
You had enough faith in me when I didn't think anybody even remembered my name. You saved me!

I can hear sobbing as I throw the pills at the wall.

I tell her you just saved me, this whole day I've felt less than a piece of shit.
Nobody wanted anything to do with me I've felt like and I was done with it.

She said times get hard and things aren't always gonna be perfect, but God is with you and as long as you have him you'll be more than ok.
And if you feel like your prayers aren't being answered just wait cause The Lord works in mysterious ways.
You told me that as I was getting ready to leave the house, so now I'm telling you.
You are somebody and God doesn't make trash, remember that!

The radio gets a lil louder and I hear.
The Lord never let's anything go unanswered, he died on the cross for your sins, give him your burdens to carry on to because he greater than your deepest fears. I went to the bathroom and looked myself eye to eye and there it was, something I thought I never see again.
My smile, it came back.

You're not alone and never will be, stay smiling thru the midst of the pain.
The Sun always shines after it Storms!

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