You
January 27, 2016 at 10:40 PM
I have only cried
Over a boy once
Yes, yes
No boy is worth your tears
And it was about 3 years ago
This boy I thought
I would never
Cross paths with
Made me smile brighter
The boy with hair
Black as night
And blue braces
That always peaked their
Way through his smile
That smile I miss
His smile caused
The growing of mine
Sundays were my favorite
Because for one minute
This boy who didn’t even
Know my name
Made me feel on top of the world
Then the Thursday came
The night I saw him
In our familiar place
With a stranger
With his fingers
I had longed to know
Were intertwined
With another
And in that moment
Time had seem
To forget to continue on
To the next second
The earth stopped spinning
And was falling
Falling into the nothingness
Of the universe
Falling out of alignment
With the other planets
I could hear
My rib bones cracking
As my heart became
Detached from the veins
And started toppling down
To the pit of my stomach
And started to disintegrate.
The car ride home.
My dad broke the
Earsplitting silence with:
“Are you okay?”
And that night
In the shower
Where I would sing
The songs that were for him
Was now filled
With the tears that were him
That was the first time
I cried over a boy.
Then came the yesterday
As I saw our photo
Our only photo
That hangs around my neck
For all to see
What my favorite night looked like
And I said to myself:
“Holy shit. I miss you so fucking much!”
The world seemed to be under water
Then I realized it was just me
And ever since
Only thoughts of you came to mind
You
You
YOU
YOU
Fucking you
All the fucking time
I miss you so much
And I don’t even know
If I have crossed your mind once
I don’t know if you miss the girl
With the curious mind
Only intrigued by you
The girl that didn’t know how to dance
But she could sing all the songs to you.
I don’t know if you miss me at all
What if you don’t remember me?
What if I’m stuck in the memories
That you never put on replay
Because those weren’t the ones
Worth remembering?
-(hms)