you wake up every day
wondering why you woke up.
why your mother loves you
even though you use her money.
why your dad is still there.
why your mother has bruises across her face.
why your dad raises his hand and
you both run.
have you ever thought of the moment you yearned for death?
the time you tried to commit suicide but something told you to stop?
the sound of your mother crying made you drop that blade?
the way you look at your dad says everything.
you walk up to him, and you punched him,
no caring what happened next.
he stood there,
you never picked up your pace so fast.
you realized while you're running you should do track.
it would make people like you,
doing a sport.
Being social is a lie.
You lie to yourself every time you say you’re okay.
You tell your parents your depression is better
But they don’t hear you at 3 am crying,
They don't see you at school,
Crying in the stall wanting to know why you feel so fat and unwanted
They don't know about how you drink alcohol every night to wash away the pain
Or even better, how you smoke weed before school because you want to be accepted.
Your dad hates you
Your mother despises you.
They don't even know that you're gay.
That you always wanted to experience the opposite gender.
That instead of being called Stacy,
You wanted to be called Kalvin.
Instead of being called Matthew,
You wanted to be Katie.
Instead of being like the rest of the world,
Discriminating blacks and Mexicans,
You wanted to the smart little asian kid.
Instead of being an Atheist like your parents
You went to a little church.
And you wondered why at the age of 16,
You became an adult.
Look back in the past and realize that
You are accepted.
You are you.
Or feel the lonely sad feeling that the little kid feels.