you

are hurting my mind

hurt me to think about

hurt me to be without

i thought about you today

and i felt the pain in my chest

where you were not leaning

expanding, i felt the pain of just breathing

 

i took in shudder after shudder

and terror after breath

thinking about only you

your hands, rough and cool to the touch

eyes that close on contact

shoulder that presses into mine

with firm

reassuring

grounding pressure that reminds me

you are here, still here

 

in those moments we never talked, only were

you and i we’ve had our share of fights but there

we had abandoned those ideals

and laid down our arms

left fighting words behind, behind

i thought of only you and we

were only ever human

 

i haven’t felt you like that in some time

the absence hurts less than the memory

of days i didn’t hate you, you were close

warm and solid, resting against me

 

you’re cold and distant now, with parting glares

and when i look at you i see a ghost

i fear for you and swear to keep you near

but i can’t lose what i’ve already lost

 

and did i hurt you? did i do you wrong?

i never would have pushed you far away

but you are not a child now, nor am i

it’s better for us both that i don’t stay

 

and how much longer have you still to live?

visions before me warn me it's not long

before i fail you and you slip away

back to the shadow places you belong

 

i think of you, and how your words do harm

and how you must be hurting all alone

the darkness in you is worse than i thought.

i would have held you longer had i known.  

 

i can’t forgive the cruelty in you.

but thinking on it, find it in me, too.