I am FAT
In fact I am so FAT
that i am, Freaking Awesome Today
and regardless if I’m phat, fat, or FAT.
I’m no different than that girl over there that all the boys adore because her boobs are a bit more perky or because she has a but thats a little more existant than mine.
I may only be 1 out of 3 2 out of 3 or heck even 3 out of 3.
IF I’m lucky.
and this is no theme song for me to flail around my heavy weightness confidence that everyone thinks I have so much of
my confidence came from that boy that told me I wasn’t beautiful, and even though i believed him i still managed to stop that razor from kissing my snow glowing skin time and time again
my confidence came from that boy that told me he wouldn’t have sex with me because I don’t reach his “standards of beauty” and that he didn’t want me to “break him”
my confidence came from that blonde “babe” who laughed at me when I walked out in what was supposed to be my sanctuary
lane lines and six feet deep my face dove into liquid, I cried my way to the last place finish line.
but let me tell you, in my head I was first.
Because crying while not breathing is really hard to do and when you have all the opportunity in what seems like your lifetime to just inhale the lack of what's not around you
you chose not to.
I am overweight
but please don’t let that deceive you
truly you must know I AM like everyone else
OH the agony that reeks from my soul every time I hear the snide remarks
forget you i will not become thinner on command
i will not and can not.
I will not listen to you saying that you don’t like my body
as if i asked you anyway
AND if you do not the door is over there.
your opinion does not make my life, but as you will voice it loud I will listen and
smoke on my cancer and in my head
i KNOW that these will not help my depression
and YOUR words will always echo in my head
and as long as i keep listening to them i will never become happy i will subcome to your life and my death is suddenly in your hands
have control but verbally,
i want to mess you up
because if I showed that i am not physically able to carry on you would use every inch of my weakness to murder me
drag me along the stereotypical dark dirt alley and rape me of all confidence i have
YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO RAPE MY CONFIDENCE
better yet don't rape anything
because the next one may not be as strong minded as me
and may take that opportunity to inhale the nothingness that surrounds her
she may let the razor kiss her beautiful skin over and over again and
she may even see the angels that night when that boy tells her that she is not “up to standards”
a fantastic product of nothing but pure greatness
she will look up to the ladies with the silver linings
and she will drink from their wisdom
she will prosper.
she may feel like the world is sitting on her chest yelling in her ear and spitting in her mouth telling her that everything these people tell her is true.
BUT I'M TELLING HER ITS NOT
even on the nights where she feels like giving up
where the razor meets lack of everything
she meets me in descend
and she wakes up
all alone in her white walled room.
shell remember that even the scars on her stomach won't stop her from become the best she could ever be.
she is independent,strong,wise,beautiful,sun kissed,living real with feelings that you can’t NO
that you won’t crush
so listen here you sun of God forgiven challenge
take your remarks elsewhere and dont mess with us big body beauties because
we do have feels and we will mess you