The girl behind the curtain

I sat beside myself for years pushing and pushing to just fight.

Fight for yourself.

Fight for your dreams.

But fear constantly holds me down like a crucifix on my chest.

I watch everyone around me so happy and peaceful with the decision they've made and I struggle.

I scream and cry and plead to live for you. Live for those who are too scared to peak behind that curtain.

Your voice is the key to being who you really are but you let your parents control and detest you from that dream.

You'll never make it. you'll end in a gutter, melt like butter baby don't be like your brother!

So I sit behind the curtain constantly reaching and reaching but my time is peaking and my energy is seeking

faith leaking

soul sinking

lips bleeding

heart needing

mind feeding

on it.

It being me. It being us. It being my future.

Music burns in my soul lighting fires around me but that curtain won't burn. Even if I reach it,  it won't move until I finally say no.

I tell my parents no I DONT WANNA BE HERE. I don't want to wonder why I didn't pursue a chance that was mine. so my faith leaks and soul sinks. lips bleed. and my heart needs you.  

I'll be the girl that lays in the grave

I'll be the soul that was never saved.

I'll be the one who gave and gave

behind the curtain.