I’ve fallen deep into a hole, looking toward the surface;

Who am I?

What have I become?

Nothing seems the same…

These burdens and chains weighing me down caused me to forget my name.

Am I bright? Am I happy? Am I anything but pain?

It now seems that instead of bringing others up, i hand them a newfound chain.

I look in the mirror and find that my reflection is a stranger,

Who is that girl covering herself in sheets of makeup thick as paper?

The makeup is a symbol for who she once was

She’s hiding herself in it, her true self no one wants.

Let me out please God, please!

I want myself back, take this blood off my knees

Take the reality i once lacked, take my scars and my wounds

Anxiety has peaked, my peace hopefully comes soon.

Where is my grandpa? Where are my friends?

Where are my morals, My childhood? when does this end?
This isn’t about drama, it’s not about attention

I don’t need any comfort or extra affection.

something felt off months in advance,

I felt it coming, but through it I danced.

My image has shattered, I am not who I thought.

I am not Lucy or the girl you once sought.

I wish to be, for I miss her so immensely,

But if I try to recreate her, I shake and shake intensely.

Don’t pity me, because I must have done something wrong,

For all of this to happen I must have set off my entire life’s bomb.

“You are a burden and a shame” the devil whispers in my ear,

“Keep worrying and keep to yourself, nobody needs you here.”

But I ask how this can be true if I had so many friends,

When things keep happening, it changes you, a fact too difficult to bend.

How do I go back to who I once was? It seems I’ve forgotten how to act.

I’ve chosen hatred, chosen revenge but I want my kindness back.

I want to give the person I love all the joy in the world,

But that’s hard to give when my emotions are so twisted and so whirled

Far from deservance he holds me tight,

But unlike it used to, my mind remains trapped in the night.

Kissing him feels as though it’s a small medication,

But worry and stress counteract bringing everything but elation.

I love him so much and don’t want him to leave me

But how could he stay when I’m far from who I used to be.

Honestly, I feel the exact same way about myself,

And I’m  writing this so I don’t place my feelings on a shelf.

I’m so sorry because you fell in love with the happy side of me.

You don’t want to hear that this happy girl is somewhere out at sea.

I don’t know when she’ll come home, I don’t know when she’ll return.

Nor do I know about her heart that used to so passionately burn.

The flame is dying, her mind’s in a drought.

In the dark hole I hear her crying,

Let me out

Let me out

Let me out