A Year Ago
A year ago, I was scared.
I was always nervous, shaking, nothing could've compared
to the feelings I've felt every day, hour, minute,
emotions that always gave me a limit
on what I could do and maintain.
If I spoke, I would have seemed rude or mundane,
all the while hiding my regret
of what I had said, hoping you'd forget.
A year ago, I was tired.
I would work through class, but I was never inspired.
Except late at night, when the world was asleep,
I would then make that creative leap.
I would work for an hour, or maybe two;
I would use my feelings, but no one ever knew.
How would they? That I would never share-
I didn't want them to see me as broken and needing of repair.
A year ago, I was stressed.
I would get this hard, aching feeling in my chest,
making it hard to breath, and to sleep,
and sometimes it hurt so bad I couldn't even weep.
I would have this feeling most everywhere outside;
the thought of talking to a stranger made me horrified.
I knew it was stupid, that I had nothing to fear,
but I always felt better trapped in my own little sphere.
A year later, I'm healing.
The thought of going out with friends sounds appealing.
I want to wear bright clothes, I want to stand out,
I sometimes feel the want to just go about and shout
of how I'm feeling better and want some more friends-
no longer afraid of relationships coming to their ends.
And though I do still sometimes get that harsh, anxious feeling,
I know that no matter what, I can keep on dealing.