Without Spoken Words

There are so many words held inside the breath in my lungs.

So many clouded thoughts like ravens feasting over animals on the road.

I am speaking to you. Directly to you.

My mouth throws up my words onto that tiled floor.

The one you abused me on.

The one where my head spun so elequently that it made me feel for a second

that you had me on that high, but hung me with a wire afterwards.

My hair was like twisted cords around my neck as you laid me against that dirty wall.

Blood against white snow.

That's what my bare body looked like when you unwraveled it onto the gravel.

When you told me to listen.

Listen or pay.

Pay in actions not money.

Of course you wouldn't understand because you weren't me.

SHUT UP...I want to scream to you.

To those who wouldn't listen when my cry for help came. 

To those stupid teachers who thought we were just little kids in love.

But I could barely breathe.

I was suffocating in my own skin.

Crying with my eyes and pleading for help.

I couldn't tell you.

I couldn't tell the teacher.

I couldn't tell my parents.

I never spoke a word about it until 10 years later.

Under my skin.

Fighting with my thoughts.

Numerous reasons I could've already been in a grave.

However, I'm here.

You abused me.

Sexually, mentally, and verbally.

No means no.

I have a right to my body.

I am strong.

I am worth it.

I have become someone worth every second in a day.

I've swallowed the sunshine from the sky and handed it out to others.

I've learned to grow.

I've learned to forgive.

I've learned after years of trouble on how to fix my wounded soul.

I didn't let you stop me from becoming who I am.

I am proud of who I am.

I am a woman.

I was a victim.

But that doesn't change my worth.

My worth was there before you walked into that dirty shallow bathroom 

and took my pride away from me.

Before you robbed my innocence.

This is a letter to you.

To someone who completely scrambled my life and shattered it for years.

But I am glad. 

But that does NOT mean that what you did was acceptable.

I learned from you how strong I truly was.

How willing I was to survive.

I found my true self because of your actions that hung me over a cliff.

I hope you found your true self.

I hope you stopped.

I hoped something snapped inside your mind.

That you woke up and felt sorry.

I hope you are okay because everyone deserves to be okay.

Even after what you did to me.

Others say it makes no sense. 

But one thing you should learn in life is that love is greater than hate.

Love drives out hate.

There is already so much hate in this world.

Don't judge anyone.

I never knew what my abuser experienced in life.

It doesn't give them a right what they did to me, but I have the right to choose how to

react to the situation.

I'm full of a complicated mess of thoughts.

String inside a bowl that sit in the dirt.

I'm lost without words because I don't think the world will understand.

My knowledge with words isn't fitting for what I want to say.

Learn to forgive.

Learn to grow.

Learn to love others no matter what.

Learn not to judge.

Learn to accept differences. No one is the same.

Stop trying to be someone else because you only grow further away

from who you truly are.

This is my message to you. To the world. To those lost. To those in pain.  

To those who do not know how to forgive. To those who needed something to read. 

This is my letter to you because I want you to know I survived and am stronger

because of you.

-art

 

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My community
Our world

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