Wish Someone Taught Me How to Save a Life

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Wish Someone Taught me, How To Save a Life

 

2/11/2014

11:00 AM

 

It starts from a little bit of devastation...

Then the addition of guilt, even if it wasn't the persons fault

The feeling of being hopeless takes over and the need for comfort does the same

And when comfort is met with betrayal,  neglect , or even just the thoughts of being defenseless 

That is the same time when the mind meets the conclusion of being worthless..

Soon after blade meets skin, 

Fist meets wall,

Or finger meets trigger then ...

Bullet meets chin....

And some where else the same cycle begins…

 

You said it started when your mother died, 

And your dad became a drunk then you the target for the aggression,

 

And You, 

You told me it was because no one liked you and you had no friends,

Felt so alone, but you were only ten 

 

And I remember receiving a text from You,

Saying that you wanted to be dead...

 

All of these times,

My heart stopped and just the thought of your absence's,

Caused my knees to be weak,

And my head to just drop,

My chest to pause on expanding,

And my breath to just stop....

 

I remember when you first lied to me too,

When I lifted your sleeve and felt the scars....

You said it was from your cat and I just nodded in silence.

As weeks went by, those cat scratches multiplied,

And so did the amount of lies.

 

I wish someone taught me How to Save a Life. 

 

You didn't die, but became consumed by your pain.

Turned every bad thing that happened to being your fault, 

And whenever you were neglected you thought the same, the same, the same

The same, that you were worthless and thought you were deserving of the pain!

I bet you have a cat scratch for every time someone hurt you, abused you, or called you a bad name,

Said you had no one, no friends, and no one to care for you,

 

But you were wrong !

 

All of you were, just wrong because I was there calling and texting you!

Trying to distract you from your pains! 

Trying to distract you from all that you wanted to do to yourself!

Because it hurt me too and all of you potentially dyeing kept me from being able to sleep at night,

So it drove me insane…

To the point where I stopped wanting to contact people, because when I contacted all of you I ... Would always feel the same...

 

Ashamed of myself, and it always brought me pain!

All of You said no one was there for You, 

While I was there listening, feeling Your Way

All of You said no one was there for you, even while I was there in your face...

And when ever, one of you talked to me you would turn away...

 

But I was there, and I still am.

I can't tell you how valuable your life is, 

Anymore than I already do

 

I can't make you see how much some people care for you, cause you ignore them,

And when you turn away from me that's proof...

 

If I didn’t care for any of You,

I wouldn’t listen,

Hold you when you start to cry,

Try to get you to talk to some one who can help,

Or even just sit right next to you 

Because I know how much You just enjoy the presence of someone else

While listening to some music and just letting the beats and lyrics heal, 

 

The scars and cat scratches,

The silence

The thought of no one understanding,

The memories of abuse, hurt, and shame

Just healing everything away….

 

But I wish someone taught me how to save a life,

 

Because when ever I get up, or we have to part ways

I know…

I know.

I know dammit,

That you, go back into that place

 

Of depression 

Of sorrow

Of being alone,

 

I wish someone taught me how to save a life

 

Because the road ends,

and the new cycle begins when….

 

Blade meets skin,

Fist meets wall,

Finger meets trigger . . .

Bullets meet chin….

Pills meet throat,

Or even . . . Belt becomes a rope…

 

I Wish, Someone taught me How to Save a Life,

Better yet, how to have you understand….

That you are worth life,

Life is yours to hold,

Holding people close can help you grow,

Growing can help you heal,

Healing will bring you light-

That can help you shine . . .

But the only way to shine, is if you stay Alive…

 

Until then I will just be here…

Wishing, Hoping, Someone can teach me how to save a life,

Before any of yours end, and the new cycle begins . . . 

 

- Laugh

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