winter 19'
summer - fall
the sand sifted through crevices in my toes
while the soft breeze lifted my salty hair
the symphony in my head played while my golden fingers whispered and swam
-through the air outside my car window
the sun gave life to my tan cheeks and dotted freckles on my chocolate skin
longboarding down the boardwalk was paired with Arnold Palmers
and bikinis were laced with summer romance
i don't ever want to grow up
winter
my room was a prison of my own doing
forgiveness was not paired with grace
salty tears streamed down my pale face as i watched the rain
plop
plop
plop
water poured onto the cracked concrete
water poured onto my cut hands
water made my body feel so heavy
so tired
so peaceful
if i went under would i want to come back up?
i hate myself
the monsters weren't hidden behind the clothes in my wooden closet
-they were screaming in my head
when will i grow up
spring
I walk down the boardwalk and think
looking down at my cracked nail polish
my mind swims
-in the ocean
of my thoughts
filled by people
yet alone
there is nothing out there
-beyond the ocean
-beyond my imagination
for me
and as i look down once again
i think
i need to paint my nails
summer
i solemnly look out at the world
my chocolate skin dripping with the honey-sun
the drip
drip
drip
of sunlight
onto my now golden skin
brought me to life
i mistake my imagination for memory
and my mind swims with thoughts of the future
i think about the heartbreak
i think about the depression
i think to myself
maybe all of this was growing up