Why The Grinch Hates The Who: by Paul Gray (10,161 words)

 

I'm inspired by a rhyme so I write with my pen

Telling stories with rhythmic rhymed verse now and then

 

Every line's written short wielding just the right bump

So the reader who reads it will feel every thump

 

While I cannot explain how my brain figures out

All the words which describe what the story's about

 

Still, I try as I will, and I will, so I do

To connect groups of words and write stories for you

 

With Christmas upon us right now I'm supposing

Its a subject involving the Grinch I'm composing

 

No copyright damage, it was Seuss who created

So I don't have a claim and no rights are debated

 

I love Dr. Seuss as a favorite rhymed writer

And to borrow his style is my rhythmic delighter

 

I could never compete with his stories and pen

But respectfully emulate Dr. Seuss now and then

~~~

 

Back before we all knew him, before we'd heard of the Grinch

Back before the old Grinch made us quiver or flinch

 

And before lots of ugly bent the Grinch's young heart

I imagine the Grinch played a whole nother part

 

No. the Grinch wasn't born with a bad disposition

With sadness or hatred his natural condition

 

And he wasn't forever against all the Who

The Who were his neighbors, like me and like you

 

Perhaps something happened to make the Grinch hiss

And perhaps what took place, happened something like this

 

~~~

On a brisk winter morning with a wind, cold and howling

The Grinch took a nap while his dog wasn't growling

 

His thoughts, non-pernicious, no mischief intended

As he patiently waited while sore knees were mended

 

On the day just before it while outside and rumbling

Four friends and a dog on a hill they went tumbling

 

And the Grinch hurt his knees, they were only grinch scratches

To be safe he had wrapped them with gnarly green patches

 

All those friends had gone home, back to Whoville to rest

And those friends numbered three but John Paul was his best

 

Then the Grinch, he loved Whoville and each Who who lived in it

Except for one in the east whose Who name was Who Bennett

 

Who Bennett was meaner than any Who knew it

And he tortured the Grinch, and for no reason he'd do it

 

He'd put snow in his shoes or put ants in his pants.

He'll put bugs in his bed if he's given the chance

 

 

But the Who never knew who purported those acts

And the Who news reporter just reported the facts

 

 

Still the Grinch didn't fret over him, the Who beast

'Cause he lived far away, over there in the east

 

~~~

 

Now the Grinch had a sweetheart and her name was Who Beth

And Who Beth didn't know it, but he loved her to death

 

 

Every night he would snuggle in his grinchy warm bed

Where the dreams of Who Beth came alive in his head

 

 

In those dreams they would dance and hold hands and they'd kiss

When he woke he was sad; dreams of Who Beth he'd miss

 

 

Of this love he told no one. Not the beast, nor a friend

He told no one at all, fearing friendships might end

 

 

Imagine your heart filled with peppermint candy

Topped with chocolaty sauce with a glass of milk brandy

 

 

Well, that's just how he felt with his love sick Grinch heart

They were never together; they were always apart.

 

 

Down in Whoville the Who's lived their lives every day

Every single Who happy in work, sleep and play

 

 

But Who Beth often looked up the mountain at night

Where she imagined the Grinch in his cave with delight

 

In her mind she would hold him and cuddle him sweet

From his grinchy big head to his green fuzzy feet

 

Could a Who and the Grinch fall in love, could it be?

Then dismissing those thoughts she said, "No, not with me."

 

 

She thought, "The Grinch is so green, handsome, hairy and tall

He could not fall in love; not with me; not at all"

 

"I'm a Who he's the Grinch; he's the Grinch I'm a Who.

In fact, who am I fooling? Not me and not you."

 

Then she snuggled her covers where she fell fast sleep

Of her thoughts she told no one; not a Who word nor peep

 

 

When she woke she'd recall those sweet dreams of the Grinch

And inflict on herself an awakening pinch

 

 

Off to work she would go, left behind were those dreams

Of her love and the Grinch, how preposterous it seems

 

~~~

 

Every year around Christmas all the Who's threw a bash

'Twas a party and pageant and food with Who hash

 

 

All the Who girls paraded in a lovely Who dress

Then the crowd would all vote for the Who, who looked best

 

 

Though he wasn't a Who, still the Grinch had a vote

And he always chose Beth on that Who ballot note

 

 

For the winner rewarded one boy with a kiss

And if Beth ever won it, there's a chance he wont miss

 

 

The kiss would be planted on the one whom she loved

To be sure, just in case, the Grinch washed and he scrubbed

 

 

In the mirror he puckered and he practiced his smooching

And all day walked 'round with his lips pursed and pooching

 

 

Then he picked out a tie and a hat and that's all

But he measured himself to make sure he's still tall

 

Then he dressed and perfumed and he'd brush his green hair

While reminding himself, "Don't be late and don't stare."

 

~~~

 

Every Who there in Whoville came dressed to the hilt

Showing whoticipation for the gala they'd built

 

And the Who gathered 'round the big table to feast

But no Who knew that trouble, would soon come from the east

 

John Paul met the Grinch, found their seats and they sat

As they whispered and giggled touting Grinch's big hat

 

Many Who's dipped the punch, dipping no fingers in it

And the last to arrive was that mean old Who Bennett

 

Who Bennett was welcome and not a single Who knew it

But trouble would come and Who Bennett would brew it

 

Bennett sat near the Grinch where he greeted John Paul

With between he and Grinch no words spoken at all

 

 

The Grinch and Who Bennett were not friends at all

And Who Bennett was jealous, he was short, Grinch was tall

 

 

Then taking a seat right behind the green Grinch

He imagined the ways he could make the Grinch flinch

 

 

Soon their pageant would start and the Grinch so distracted

That he didn't see Bennett nor observe how he acted

 

~~~

 

In their dressing room Who's did their lips, nails and noses

And adorned their Who hair with Who candy and roses

 

Some practiced Who songs and some twirled a baton

Others quoted their speeches they'd use if they won

 

All the Who girls were lovely, all their clothes were so nice

With Who dresses brand new; worn just once, never twice

 

Who Beth's was bright green, and she wore fuzzy green shoes

But she didn't quite care if she'd win or she'd lose

 

Then she peeked through the curtain and she saw the young Grinch

And delivered herself one more sobering pinch

 

When the Who band delivered their Who serenade

To announce the commencement of the Who girl parade

 

Who Bennett put tacks near the Grinch's green butt

And he gave one to Max, the Grinch's nappy old mutt

 

Their parade was delightful; it was such a Who sight

As the lovely Who girls entertained through the night

 

First came Who Sue, then Who Sally, Who Mary

Who Brenda, Who Linda, Who Charlotte, Who Sherry

 

Who Teresa, Who Judy, Who Donna, Who Doris

Who Karen, Who Katie, Who Liz and Who Kloris

 

Who Tammy, Who Tanya, Who Susan, Who Zeth

With Who Penny, Who Peggy, Who Drew and Who Beth

 

One Who tapped and danced, and one sang a Who song

One picked a Who banjo, but her song was too long

 

Another stood and told jokes, a Who chance to be funny

Every Who had one goal; and it was kissing their honey

 

The Grinch grinned then twitched brushing tacks from his bum

And he flinched as he plucked a sharp tack from his thumb

 

But Who Bennett had noticed the Grinch's attention

Was too finely focused as Who Beth's name was mentioned

 

When Who Beth was on stage every eye was Who wide

Her performance helped Who's undecided, decide

 

When she opened her mouth and the Who song came out

The Grinch thought he knew what her song was about

 

She sang of a love between those far apart

And the secret affections she hid in her heart

 

Her voice hypnotized every Who and the Grinch

And with last notes she pinched one more sobering pinch

 

~~~

When the time came for voting by host hammered mallet

He instructed all Who to choose winners by ballot

 

Every Who paused and scribbled one name on their note

And we know how the Grinch did exuberantly vote

 

When the ballots were in and the votes had been counted

Every whisper fell silent; lots of Who tension mounted

 

Then the host tapped the mic and every Who held their breath

As he announced that the winner was the lovely Who Beth

 

~~~

 

The crowd was ecstatic, with every Who clapping

And the noise was so great, mice awoke from their napping

 

The vibrations vibrated the chairs where they sat

With the Grinch slowly standing; warming heart with his hat

 

Then the crowd all fell silent as they waited to see

Whose lips she'd be kissing for no one knew who it'd be

 

Who Beth took the crown with a welcome surprise

While she scanned through the crowd, she sought grinchy green eyes

 

Then the Grinch raised his hand and Who Beth raised hers too

Where at last they both felt it; and at last they both knew

 

What a magical moment, and in an instant they stood

Face to face two together, free to kiss if they would

 

As the Grinch felt the thump of the heart in his chest

The proceedings were halted at Who Bennett's request....

 

He had leapt to the stage and with rule book commanded

That thee rules should be read; "Read the rules" he demanded

 

Then he opened the book, and he read from page two

Which said, "The lips that are kissed must be Who kissing Who"

 

"Preposterous" said one, "That's insane" said another

"The Grinch ain't a Who, but he's surely our brother"

 

Still, Who Bennett insisted saying, “The rules must be followed”

As he stood there and smirked and in meanness he wallowed

 

~~~

 

Imagine the pain, disappointment, the sorrow

Which occurred on that day and would still hurt tomorrow

 

The Who took a vote but the rules didn't change

And no kiss was allowed and emotions grew strange

 

The Grinch walked away with his pain undeserved

As Who Bennett just smiled at the mischief he'd served

 

While his meanness was meant to make the Grinch a lot smaller

Through the years Bennett shrank; and he didn't get taller

 

Who Beth moved away and no one's heard from her since

Never kissed her Grinch Prince; and she's kissed no one since

 

Every year around Christmas there's a bash on that date

But because of Who Bennett, there's a clash with Grinch hate