Where do I live?

I live in a society of love and hatred.

A society where one lives to be loved and dies when hated.

I live to be loved.

The place where my heart lays is in a world where it can either be perfect or nothing.

Whether it has had missed a beat or not it must keep going to the end.

Where I live now has determined the path of my life.

I am 19, my first year of college on the surface I live on campus at university but in reality, I lived in a trapped realm where it is success or failure. I have made it far enough to get into college and begin to make those who love me proud but one wrong step and its simply over.

I am hated.

I am dead.

I am failure.

Every aspect from how I feel internally and externally, how I am viewed is affected by where I live.

I question my decisions, I don’t do what makes me happy in fear of hate, death, and failure. Rather I do what society has chosen for me to do and do not dare to step outside of that box. When I break these guidelines, I feel ashamed.

I can’t allow for anyone to know in consequence

I am hated,

I am dead,

I am failure.

Compared to where I want to live which is somewhere I can be free,

if I make a mistake I am continuously seen as me,

the same me.

If I choose a lifepath that is what makes me happy I won’t be criticized rather I will be accepted and celebrated. Everything holding me back to do what I truly believe in will be gone. Rather I will be loved, alive, and a success.

Three simply things that would completely change my life for the better. I may live somewhere now but I am working on creating a place for myself, is this possible?

I don’t know.

What I know is that I have a lifetime ahead of me and I am not stopping until I find it.