Don't know how to explain how I feel

Its a mood am use to 

But I dont know why its the way it is 

It puts me in a place no one likes to be in

A place where am lost and searching for a way to be found

I hate it 

But then I love it

It's confusing

Am down and pushing for a way up

And all I have is music 

Don't know how or who to talk to about it 

Am push to the point where I may think of someone whose gone 

And then the tears may come rolling

What does it take to be happy and stay at that point?  

Why does the sadness have to creep in 

Sending a signal with electricity on blast 

Ready to shine out everything else

Can life be perfect?

Atleast for a day 

A day where the sun is shining 

A smile is painted on everyones face

Where No one remarks stings?

Where all is heard is pure laughter?

Where does that life exist?