When You Can't Press Snooze

Fri, 12/13/2013 - 15:50 -- amckane

Locations

Then
is what I never want to be again.
Then is that alarm clock-esque reminder
with no snooze.

Then
started with Daddy’s “Don’t cry, dammit!”
So I repeated what he had stated. And I added, when I hadn’t succeeded,
“You failure.”

Then
would force the theatrically perfected grin
on my metallically unperfected mouth.
I’m fineI want to die.

Cheat, Lie, Use, Mock.
After ten years of the children’s edition,
the abridged version,
this was a taste of how big kids played nasty.

“Matt said
you went down on him
and cut him with your braces.”
“Cheese grater.”

Alec was told he could do much better
than me. But I
had big boobs and he thought with
his other head, so why not?

And call me a masochist, but I
kept going back.

Now
would tell Then
not to scratch or pull or slap or cut,
even if you don’t draw blood, because we’re both
grossed out by that.
Because your body is beautiful
please know that.

And, Now,
try to stay strong.  I know
it’s hard, believe me; I was
There, Then.

I saw all of the tears,
the marks the, makeup on the arms
the long sleeves when it was too warm, the raised lines on the legs
the hair pulled in hands
they’re just battle scars

But Now
is different.
Now is happy; Now is loved. He tells me I’m beautiful and, as we look
in the mirror with our naked bodies bared, I don’t fight back.
I say thank you. And then I kiss him because slowly,
he’s helping me realize that he’s right.

Now
can look in the mirror
and smile. Because flaws are starting not to matter
so much anymore. Our flaws make us
perfect.
 

Guide that inspired this poem: 

Comments

lashae03

this is purely..beutifully

amckane

Thank you!

Panda Ranndom

This was absolutley breathtaking. i was hanging on to every word. thank you. 

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