When I close my eyes, I see you again.

You’re wrapped in the darkness of my mind.

I can’t touch you, or hear you, but I see you.

It is one of the few times I do when I am not traumatized.

One of the times when I’m not having a flashback

To getting that phone call at four in the morning.

One of those times when I don’t see you

Lying in a casket, your body swollen and limp.

One of those times when I don’t picture the fear

You must have felt watching the headlights

Approach and feel the pain of all your bones breaking.

They said you broke your pelvis and I know that

Must have crushed you.

I picture the sound of your body cracking and

See the fear in your beautiful green eyes.

I remember the hurt I caused to appear in them

When I broke your heart between the times you broke mine.

The day you broke my heart was the

Worst day of my life because I would not get

To hold your hand or kiss you again.

No, now the worst day was when I held your

Cold, lifeless hand and kissed the top of your

Forehead without letting a single tear fall.

That is when my heart was really broken because

I could not even cry. It hurt so bad that I finally

Went numb. All I feel is numbness so

I close my eyes and I see you again.

 

1-24-2018