What was once said to me by Naidelyn Cruz

What was once said to me ?

Constantly to the ear, in whispers and sighs?

       Tell me once again, but not in the dark, where the corners and dim, they shield you.

                                 My mistake- No no no, where they hide you.

            Tell me again, but this time LOUDER.

  Till the bells ring and the angels can’t sing and my ears can only ring and the world. Oh                        It just stops in it’s track.  

            Tell me again.

But wait you can’t.

But I can.

       A secret? What can I say what has not been said?

Desperation

Of flowers, each petal dripping on my doorsteps, waiting for me to go home

Kisses on lips, each touch burning till I can’t feel them no more

The feel of hands on the grass, looking for that sweet end.

        Wait….

And then you were there.

At first I had asked for it. It was my fault.  You had made sure I knew of that.

The pleas, the holding, the kisses, it was all me. That is sure.

But then after it...that was not of my making.

Was it?

Tell me again, what did you used to say?

After our hands had intertwined together and held on-

Or the gasp of breath that our lungs made when they were sent free-

Even the time we held on when the pretty lights expanded in our eyes-

What did you say then?

Exactly.

Nothing.

Oh, I should've known.

But I didn’t and the words that did leave your lips, they started getting sharper.

Before it would prick. But then they began stabbing.

Before it was a eye or an arm, pieces of me,  I could handle that.

But my heart. The bruises couldn't heal that quick.

The girls you used to tell me about, to get me riled up and mad.

He’s mine, you can’t have him!!

The beginning, how you used to laugh when I was steaming.

Why do you get mad? It’s not like we are to…..

It hurts, like that time you made fun of me in front of others, your laugh ringing.

You are too cool for your own good.

You started giving my friend looks, I noticed. I always did.

The snickers, the long looks. I just pushed it back in my mind. It wasn’t real.

It’s not real as long as you do not acknowledge it.

Then suddenly you left me.

For her. Oh well…….

My confession? What would I say?

I can’t confess.

This poem is about: 
Me

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741