What now?

Every morning when I wake

I question myself,

"What now?"

 

As I lumber out from bed

muttering slowly in my jumbled head

--what am I supposed to do today? 

how should I fix myself?

where should I go? should I go anywhere? 

who will I meet? will I meet anyone?

        what will be out There?

There- where the sun shines bright- but terrorizes me.

There- where the winds gently blows- but pushes me awry.

There- where the water quenches thrist- but drowns me.

There- where my loved ones are happy- but where I am not.

 

As I stare at my reflection

grumbling inaudibly to my twin in the mirror

--what am I supposed to say today?

how should I talk with them?

will they like me? will I like them?

         who will They be?

They- the ones who laugh fondly- at my expense.

They- the ones who pay attention- only on my misgivings.

They- the ones who are trusted- but don't dare trust me.

They- the ones I love- but I question, "do they love me?"

 

As the day wavers through time- morning, afternoon, night

mumbling fainlty in the dark

--I hope I did what I was supposed to do today

I hope I looked decent

I hope I went to the right place

I hope I met the right people- I hope liked me

 

As I close my eyes I wonder

--the clock ticks, the time passes- and again another day

"What now?"

 

This poem is about: 
Me

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741